Hi, this will be long so I really appreciate anyone that takes the time to read because I am in desperate need of advice. I am 7 months postpartum, and since I’ve had my baby I have been struggling with lots of anxiety and postpartum rage. And a lot of resentment towards my husband and his family. All of this is affecting my marriage pretty heavily. The second afternoon in the hospital after I gave birth I was experiencing a lot of pain and nausea to the point I was hyperventilating crying my hormones were all over I was a literal mess and my pain meds wore off and the nurses were busy so it took them 2 hours to finally bring me more pain meds. During that time, my husbands family came to visit to see my baby, I was not wanting anyone in the room I didn’t want to be seen like that. Well my husband let them in, and they flat out said nothing to me, ignored me and started passing my baby around taking pictures with her laughing making jokes while I laid in the bed crying out in pain. My husband said they didn’t say anything to me bc I was crying and they thought I needed to be left alone. My boobs were leaking everywhere, I smelled so bad cause I needed to shower. I’ve had some bad trauma in my life but for some reason that was the worst I’ve ever felt. It got to a point where I stopped crying from pain and it was just bc of how horribly I was treated by his family and how even he was not there for me in a moment where I needed him the most. When the nurse finally came in, she pushed on my stomach and I was exposed down there while she checked me and his SISTER saw it. Seeing them pass around my baby made me so angry. It was the worst experience of my life. Then fast forward when we are home, his family would visit almost every week and immediately snatch my baby from me and just walk off to take pictures with her and not pay much attention to me. I hated it. His dad and sister would cross boundaries when I wasn’t looking. Ive had bad anxiety about other people holding my baby since she was born, I still don’t like it. Especially when it’s his family. It enrages me and makes me feel sick to my stomach and I just want to take her back. I think it’s just because of all of the resentment I have towards them? Idk. But anytime we see his family, I get instant anxiety and feel so angry inside (rage). I’m nice to them always, I’m never mean. I’m very shy and quiet. We are also of different cultures and so his family is always asking me if I’m teaching her Spanish and I’m like no because I barely know any myself. His sister rolled her eyes when I said I wasn’t gonna pierce her ears as a baby and said “oh ur doing it the American way” . Like ?? My husband never sees how I’m treated no matter how many times I’ve tried to point it out to him and it’s hard to talk to him about them bc he gets so quickly defensive and I understand that’s his family but I don’t deserve how I have been treated. I made a post about my struggles with postpartum anxiety and was trying to bring more awareness to it cause you never see anyone talk about it. His family thought it was a personal attack to them and my husband agreed w them but it wasn’t directed towards anyone. Anytime I share anything about postpartum like a quote or a TikTok, him and his family think it’s an attack. It’s not. I’ve been a SAHM since she was born, I take care of the home, I cook, I do all the cleaning, we have a bearded dragon, snake, and 3 pet rats I care for also. I am also in college I am doing online so I do that too. I don’t get breaks. The only breaks I get is that my husband and I rotate on who handles night time with her. So every other day I get a night off to rest which is nice I am thankful for that. Twice a month I have my mom come over to play with my baby so I can just focus on cleaning and rest some. She lives an hour away so I do appreciate that she comes. I have two friends I have seen 3 times total since I’ve had my baby. I really don’t have a life outside of being a mom. My husband does CrossFit 6 days a week and he works 6 days a week so he’s barely home. I’ve noticed that every time I ask about my mom coming over he gets quiet and visibly not happy about it. We got into a big argument last night where he said I’m always having people over and that’s not true.. I barely see my mom, she comes twice a month. He says it’s not fair that his family doesn’t see her as much. Sometimes they see her more than my mom does. It’s not a competition is it? My husband always acts like it’s a competition it’s so frustrating. It’s harder to see his family cause he does work 6 days a week. He gets one day off and that’s our day together but sometimes we see his family. Then he said I get to take her anywhere and do whatever I want and he can’t, not true it’s just that he works so much. I’ve run a few errands with her that I needed to do and he’s taken her to his moms without me once. Now whenever we see his family, I do get visibly stressed about it bc of all of the resentment I have towards them w all that’s happened. And he gets upset at me for me not being excited to go. I just want reassurance from him that it will all be fine. Rather than him getting upset at me. I’ve been making excuses to my friends why I can’t see them cause I’m too afraid to ask my husband about it bc I know he will just not be happy about it and start to bring up his family and say it’s not fair. I am a mess I feel so lonely and sad and alone and like I have no support in my corner for what I’m going through. I’m worried that my resentment towards my husband and his family will continue ruining our marriage. I hate that I have this resentment I hate that I feel this way I hate that I can’t just love his family and feel okay and calm when I’m around them I just want to feel normal. I never get to cry bc I don’t want my baby to see me cry and I don’t trust anyone to babysit her the thought of it bothers me too much I only trust my husband to watch her but I don’t want to be away from her the longest I was away from her was an hour. I had to pause my career after having her and I don’t regret it but all I am is mom now. And sometimes it’s too much and I just want my mom to come over so I can talk to her or see my friend who has a baby that’s a month younger than mine and let them play together while my friend and I talk and I just don’t see the issue if I do that.. My husband told my mom that if she ever needed her car serviced she could bring it to his dealership and she could come over while it was worked on, well that was a month ago and she just made the appointment at his dealership and so she’s driving an hour just so she can do that and see me. My husband got upset that she’s coming over and he asked why can’t she just wait at the dealership until it’s done??? I feel like I can’t do anything for myself. It’s not my fault that I have time to do more with her since he works 6 days a week. I sympathize for him cause I wish he could have more time w her but it’s unfair for him to make me feel guilty for having the time. I’ve isolated myself from everyone and everything. My husband hasn’t talked to me since we got into the argument. What do I do? What do I say? I can’t take this anymore from him postpartum is destroying me