I’m so nervous

After a miscarriage in July, it’s hard to let myself feel excited. I’m anxious, nervous and find myself saying “if” this baby is born, not “when”. My boyfriend and I decided to wait till after the first trimester to announce to anyone but it’s so hard not telling my family (I’m extremely close with). I want to celebrate, but all I can do is worry. Sometimes I just try not to think about it at all, honestly. And I feel horrible for that.

Does Anyone else feel like this? Or have tips on how to relax?