What am I feeling?

I’ve kind of detached myself from my relationship with my boyfriend. I stopped putting in effort after I seen he wasn’t putting any in, or as much. After constantly complaining about it, I just decided to stop because I figured I shouldn’t have to ask for basic relationship things. I broke up with him because of this a while back, he told me he’ll fix it and do better but we’re still here.

I haven’t seen him in two weeks nor has he called me-because if I don’t call or ask him to do something together, I won’t even be on his mind. I thought I’d be excited when I finally seen him but I wasn’t. I felt nothing but a little bit of disgust. We had sex and I wasn’t into it and just wanted it to be over. When he went home, I cried. Not because I’ll miss him, but because I felt sadness out of nowhere. I love him but I don’t want to continue the relationship, but he makes it impossible to do so. Idk what I’m feeling