I allow it

My boyfriend left me home at his apartment. I’ve lived with him for 3 almost 4 years, and guess what? I allowed him to have control of my life (not willingly but progressively). My boyfriend got mad because I tried to make sure his birthday was great next week. So I suggested a few places, and some places weren’t good. So he said negative comments and called me a bitch, etc. So now we got home, and after being cursed out, he wanted to sleep with me soon as we got home. But I just could not. He said, “OK, I’m leaving,” so he left home. I haven’t seen him been since. I don’t know where he is or what he is doing. What my boyfriend does know is I’m broke with no money, so he can come home at 6 am or 12 pm which he has done before multiple times there’s nothing I can do he has the upper hand and I allow it because I forgive him because I’m broke . ( I have no family or friends. Some people literally have zero, that’s not a consideration to live or ask for help .)