Am i bad friend for this?

So i have a guy friend. The friendship has been online and for years like 10 years and over the years he's been incredibly solid and kind.

He's helped paid my rent when I was going to be evicted twice..

I told myself when I was done with school I was gonna move states and probably go where he's at to be near him and hang out..( also just wanted to add I was gonna move states regardless)

But part of me is hesitant bc .. idk I'm just nervous. Idk why part of me doesn't want things to get mixed up emotionally..

I hope I'm making sense. Am I a bad friend?@mommaof4- im a struggling single mom of 2 and im in nursing school. Also i always gave his money back whenever i borrowed. We did meet up for a short time very brief. He has a very busy work schedule..Also maybe im a shitty person but i dont want to keep him at arms length. Part of me is a bit afraid of maybe falling for my friend. Another part is also a bit concerned of a mental issue ... He is a close friend to me. I can talk to him about anything.. idk why i feel this hesitation.. @H- he says he sees me as family. I also paid the money back. Also i feel i feel this way bc i dont want any lines crossed and ill be moving to a new state alone. I have anxiety.