TW abortion

I have just found out I’m pregnant, I have 4 living children, I’ve had 3 miscarriages and a termination for medical reasons which I’m still not over. My youngest is 18 months old. I don’t think I could live with myself if I terminated but I’m also not sure having another baby would be easy. Having a teenager and 3 5 and under would having another baby tip me over the edge? Or would having a termination do that with my history of loss. I’m just so confused has anyone had a termination and then regretted it and never forgiven themselves?

Thanks