How to divorce a narcssist

I’m 35 + 2 married for 7+ years. My story is long long too long to explain and I think like it should be a book with all the things I’ve been through in this time .

So to make story short . I’m in a very verbally abusive relationship . It affects my kids and my husband treats my son horrible and calls him names . My kids are very young so they still don’t see our faults and love me and him no matter what even if the relationship is toxic . I don’t make a lot I make around 50K a year he makes a lot and owns his own business . We live a very good life financially and are not affected even by the prices going up but it’s his money .

I can see the bank accounts but they’re not on my name. I want out but can’t make a step. Called an attorney has a consultation call for 10 min and when they said let’s go ahead and start filing I chocked and said no not yet .

Women who were in an abusive relationship and narcissistic partner know the cycle of violence and how your whole body and mind are consumed by fear .

I have no love for this man. I wish him bad and I hate myself for feeling this way. I want out but I’m afraid of what he will do. He won’t let me go easily and I know he cares about the money he will lose if I’ll divorce him as he says jokingly “ it’s cheaper to keep her “ I am not happy and I don’t want my life to pass by this way.

I’m afraid mostly of the verbal violence that will turn physical we all heard stories . I’m afraid to be a single mom of 2 in this economy ( USA ) and I’m afraid I will not be able to provide my kids and that they will want to be with his because of the $$$ and manipulations .

If you been through what I’m going . Please tell me. What and how should I do? How should I start? How hard it is to be single mom of 2? What’s the safest way to do soon the USA you can’t leave the house with or without your kids before you have a custody agreement signed so please don’t offer me that as it’s impossible legally . If I leave alone - abandonment if I take the kids with me - kidnapping .

I haven’t file yet but I heard about the custody from a lot of women who had to file and stay at the same home with their spouses . I’m afraid he won’t take the device well . I have no family here .