Birth trauma

Anyone else have an idea in their head of how they wanted labor an delivery to go and then that go completely ripped away from you? I just had my third baby and my last baby unfortunately and my water broke at 35wks baby was breech and I was rushed in to have an emergency c section. I am grateful my baby is ok but I can’t stop thinking about how this is not how I wanted it to go. I wanted to try for an unmedicated vaginal delivery and be able to enjoy our hospital stay with a full term baby. Instead I had a c section and was constantly in fear of my baby being sent to the nicu and struggling to thrive for the first month of his life. I’m just depressed that I’ll never get to experience labor and delivery again and this was my last experience I feel like I was robbed of 5 wks of pregnancy and then the delivery I wanted. Does anyone else have emotions like this?