sorry if this is weird… this isn’t meant to come across this way.

but

i was having a conversation with my friends and realized how closed off my family is. how much we don’t know each other yet grew up together.

i’m the only girl of 4 older brothers. i have 3 younger step sisters that came later.

my friends have seen their parents naked. and it isn’t weird. it’s just normal and life. i have never even seen my moms stomach. she’s always been so private and insecure. she always locked her door so i never just openly went and my moms room and plopped on her bed and hung out. very very rarely. i always had to be covered. never a tank top or anything. my brothers wore boxers and it was overlooked, normal. even when changing clothes, we always left the room and came back. my friends were so confused by this. i told my mom i got my period over text. she told me about periods by giving me a christian book to read. i asked for refills over text too until i started buying them myself. my friends talk about sex with their parents openly. my mom and i have never had a convo about sex. actually none of my family has. it’s weird and awkward. my family is tense and uncomfortable to be around.

i want that family where we’re so open and vulnerable and comfortable. we’re just humans that love each other and want to accept all of each other forever. no matter the age or era we’re in. i wanna help my child navigate life and become an adult and still see them in a vulnerable state and them the same for me. how? i never thought i’d come from a family like this. a family so distant and cold. we’re strangers who know each other. i don’t want that forever. i want different.