Time without kids

I've voiced to my husband I need time without kids be it just normal chores it doesn't have to be complicated. It's just not happening though. I'm a stay at home mom and I can go weeks sometime months without a break or just normal chores without kids.

This weekend he had a funeral today and it wasn't sad a family member of 102 passed away. My husband went alone so our kids didn't go. Then he took the whole afternoon and evening to spend time with his dad and brother. Tomorrow he's doing house repairs so I'm taking the kids to the zoo alone.

My point is that last weekend was the same too. Every weekend kind of looks and feels like this.

I get mad and even yell I'm not proud of the feeling but nothing changes. I communicate efficiently and I even schedule stuff but kids get sick home repairs can't wait.

I tried going to the gym alone at night but then I was sacrificing sleep and I have to get up with the kids at 5 for school so I needed that sleep.

My husband works hard and is hands on seriously a good dad. He knows all the kids everything and it isn't a lack of him not caring. It's just I'm not a priority.

Today after the funeral he asked to spend the rest of the day with his dad after he said he's be home right away and the rest of the day could be mine. I feel so much guilt as his dad is 83 and not well. It's not like I have something planned I just really could use a nap. But it feels cruel to say you can't spend time with your elderly father who you adore so I can lay in bed.

When I get upset my husband calls me a martyr and it feels like I am. I'm always making the sacrifices and I have to or home repairs or he won't get to do necessary things either.

Current count is day 35 continuously with my 3 kids

We also have no extra money for sitters help nanny and we have no help from other family. I'm lacking a village. We don't even gets dates maybe every couple of years so there is no alone time together either.