Breastfeeding aversion

Has anyone experienced breastfeeding aversion ? I have 4 children and the last two I've developed horrible breast feeding aversion . I don't see much on here about it and I'm feeling alone . Everyone seems to have the best experiences with breast feeding and I'm struggling to keep my baby latched . Breast feeding causes me to be agitated and I have wild intrusive thoughts with a ton of negative emotions . I see it's not as common and I'm pretty embarrassed so that's why I'm posting anonymous.. I'm trying my best and I'm trying to love it but I'm failing. 2 months postpartum and this is pure agony .