How can I navigate this situation with my kids grandpa?

I’m not sure where to post this. My parents got divorced when I was a baby and I have 2 older siblings. My mom was abusive and we have no relationship anymore. My stepdad won’t speak to me unless I get on better terms with my mom, so he’s out too, same with my siblings. It was painful but it is what it is.

I have an almost ideal relationship with my in-laws, I have a few close friends who I consider family. I’ve done a lot of therapy to figure out if the problem is me, and I really don’t think so. I would have changed anything about myself to have a relationship with my parents, but it’s just not happening while I have vulnerable little kids.

Anyway this is about my biological dad. He’s always lived about 45 mins away, and he splits his time between here and a state 1000 miles away. I love that for him, we were never super close but we saw each other a few times/month. He was like a Disney dad minus the Disney trips, he was like an uncle figure I guess.

He became interested in my family when we bought a farm and my hobbies started to look like his (country style stuff). The issue is that when he’s home, he’s asking to come over, he brings me stuff he baked, he acts like a completely supportive involved dad. Then he leaves for the Midwest and it’s radio silence. I adjust to the new normal for a few weeks, then he’s back and blowing up my phone asking for visits. By that time I’ve established a routine- babysitter schedules, play dates and classes, self sufficiency in general. I have to decline a lot of his requests because I have stuff going on. Then him and his new wife get upset that he’s not included in my family’s life, like really upset and gossipy about it.

So then I open my doors to them and change my routine to see them, and in a few days he’s gone and back in the Midwest.

This cycle repeats every month or so. And when he’s gone, he’s gone. He is back now and my husbands family is having a super hard time and my husband had to go out of town to help them, and I asked my dad if he could come by and hang out with my toddler who is out of sorts. Asking for help like he told me to after I didn’t ask last time and he got mad. His new wife’s son is in town and my dad gave me radio silence.

I feel like I have to decide if he’s in my life or out. It’s really confusing and I feel like a little kid again.