masturbating and religion

does anyone else feel absolutely DISGUSTING after masturbating. like you literally lay there and cry when your done. because i do. i’m 20 and i’ve struggled with this for so long. me and my family are very religious and i think it’s drilled into my brain that this is such a huge sin. i only masturbate like once a month now because if i don’t my body literally hurts and i feel so angry that im not getting a release. is this a problem?? am i like addicted or something ? how do yall do this and feel not guilty and like your going to go to hell. i’ve prayed about this for years and i don’t feel any better about it. thanks 🙏