Thoughts?

So here’s where I’m currently at. I don’t know if I want to be in my relationship anymore. I love my boyfriend very much. But I don’t feel in love with him anymore. We’ve dated for 5.5 years over the last 7. (If that makes sense because the 5.5 doesn’t include the time we spent apart). When we got back together our relationship changed. We weren’t stupid kids anymore. Things turned comfortable and normal. No more unhealthy habits, fighting, pain. We’d chosen to forgive and move forward. And surprisingly it’s worked. I don’t feel riddled with thoughts of past mistakes from either of us. And I’m sure he doesn’t either. Things became dependable. But it doesn’t feel like love. When I was younger I dated what I now realize was the love of my life. And I know it sounds awful but I mean it. He treated me with the utmost respect and love. Always thought about my feelings, went out of his way for me. he made me feel more in the year we dated than my current boyfriend had at 23. in our 5.5 years. I felt important. Special. My current boyfriend doesn’t go out of his way for me. He doesn’t compliment me. Doesn’t kiss me unless I initiate. He doesn’t make me feel anything really. Except annoyance. And disappointment. He doesn’t do special things for me. He rarely buys me gifts. Never bought me flowers. And sure that’s the money side of it, and it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t do the things I want him too. And that’s fine. I won’t ask. And I won’t force him. But I want him to do it because he wants too. And I get it, he isn’t a mind reader. But it’s things I’ve said before and refuse to repeat. I feel emotionally depraved. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel special. And instead I feel like a bother. Rejected. We live together. I know that in a good relationship things may seem “boring” at times. (Forgive me I can’t think of a better term but I think you can understand what I mean). But I know it isn’t supposed to feel this way. The only time I feel anything is when we have sex and even then, it’s 3 quiet minutes. I don’t mind it being short lived, that’s not the problem. The problem is there’s no passion. It’s like we’re friends who live together and occasionally fuck. And I hate it. We don’t do anything together. He turns down every idea I have for dates. For fucks sake my last birthday all I wanted was to go out to eat. And instead he smoked and we watched a movie I didn’t even want to watch until I left. I literally cried and he told me he was sorry and he’d make it up to me this year. And even now, it’s a fight just to go out and have dinner. It’s my fucking birthday. I even said I’d pay. Just one night. One date. He doesn’t want to do any of it. I keep having dreams of my first true boyfriend. The way he made me smile. Surprising me with flowers on my birthday. Working extra over the summer to save enough money to get me a present for Christmas. The pet names, simple as they were. Pumpkin, babydoll and princess were my favorite. They made my heart skip a beat. And now I can barely get babe. Never baby. Never princess. Never my love. Nothing. At best I get jokingly called stupid, or idiot, or something else that is basically always an insult. I’m never told I’m pretty or beautiful or that I make him happy or anything. No expression of emotion unless it’s anger or annoyance. I feel consistently unappreciated. He can insult me quicker than anything but won’t compliment me. And when I ask why he tells me it makes him uncomfortable. I get it. I accepted the emotional baggage of his dad being terrible. And basically all his male role models showing him how to not feel and repel it. But I’m sick with this feeling that I don’t even want to be with him anymore. Regardless if I love him. I’m screaming inside, just wanting for once to feel like I’m something other than a nuisance. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, our relationship isn’t abusive or anything. Just boring. Lacking. A bit toxic at times. He’s good at being mean. And making someone feel bad. But won’t even try to make someone feel good. And yeah ofc, “just leave them” but I’m stuck. We work together, live together. I’m trying to get my car on the road and get my license but I’m at the mercy of him. And I can’t live with my parents. It’s a toxic environment, not to mention I’d have no way to work. Plus I fear I may lose my job if we split up. It’s not fair to either of us to be complacent. But I fear the truth will destroy everything. I have no one to turn to. That’s why I’m here. I guess seeking some kind of advice or even validation. I just feel so alone. And I don’t want to anymore. I want to be loved. To feel it. How am I supposed to leave? I feel trapped. I keep telling myself I can wait, things can change. But maybe I’m just fooling myself again into complacency.