Pregnant with 3rd baby and terrified

On Mother’s Day (of all days) I discovered I was pregnant with my third baby. I will be 34 in June, my husband is 38 and we have two beautiful boys that will be 4 and 6 this summer. I have PCOS but have regular 5-6 week cycles. I have always tracked my cycles and we would use protection during my fertile period. However, this month for the first time in my life, I must have had a 4 week cycle. I didn’t really have symptoms of ovulation but it’s the only explanation that I have unless the condom failed. My husband has been on a waitlist for months to see a doctor for a vasectomy but the wait is 1-2 years where I live.

We were both shocked and devastated when we found out. I went to see my doctor and cried my eyes out. She asked how I would like to proceed but I feel like I can’t make a decision right now. I went for bloodwork and we have scheduled an ultrasound at 8 weeks with plans at the moment to proceed with the pregnancy.

I’m just wondering it anyone has been in this situation and if so, do you have any words of encouragement for me?

I know in the end, it is our fault that this has happened but in the 12 years we have been together, we have never gotten pregnant unintentionally. I never thought this would happen to me. I have been a stay at home mom for 6 years and I was finally going to return to school in September to pursue another career. Now, I will have to start all over again. My husband is also concerned about his age and what that will look like in the future with a young child.

Most of all, I am so concerned about my boys. I worried about the idea of dividing my attention between 3 children. I feel so scared and I’m currently in the stage of grieving the loss of I thought our lives would be.

I love being a mother and we have a lot of love to give another child. We are very blessed that my husband has a great job ans can support us all, I’m just absolutely terrified.

Another major fear is the fact that I’m due in January, the middle of cold and flu season. I fear it will be so difficult trying to keep our baby from getting sick with two young children in school.

Trust me, I feel guilty that I feel this way, especially with all the women out there struggling to get pregnant. I feel undeserving and ungrateful.

Any advice from Moms who have been through this would be appreciated. My husband is very supportive but I still feel so alone.