Brutally anal-ized.. help me on this...

UPDATE: Been there, done that. Collected some controversial experiences. Not fulfilling though. So I decided to end it. Thank you for your time. No need to bother with this story anymore. Lots of love, Anna Hi! This is my first post here because I need some advice. Backstory. I'm 19 from Southern Europe, (so forgive my bad English). I come from a family of polyamorous women, grandma 59, mum 39 and I, polyamorous myself, currently 1 girlfriend and 2 boyfriends around my age. I'm hypersexual and on the pill. My girlfriend (20) has a neighbour. A widower 66 years old. Their bedroom balconies are opposite and very close, so they had this exhibitionistic game where they were both watching each other naked, playing with themselves etc. Nothing more. Recently I couldn't stop this urge to have sex with a much older man. He is considered a nice gentleman in her neighborhood and quite handsome, not fit but well built. We visited him and got to know him better. We talked about sex, my GF said she didn't want to do it, but I told him I would. He even had recently tested for STDs hoping my GF would someday go to him. I got the green light from my lovers and 3 days ago I decided to go for it. It was a warm evening. We had coffee naked and talked. He's quite hairy on his chest and torso which I usually dislike on men! I couldn't understand why I didn't mind with him though! He smokes regular cigarettes which I hate because they stink! Sometimes I smoke with Glo device but they don't stink. I didn't mind about that either, but I said no kissing! He didn't care about kisses, he said. He was clean.shaved and smelled of old spice! Somehow this made me horny. I didn't realized how quickly I was kneeling in front of him sucking his cock! It was above average but not too long. But it was VERY thick! The fattest I'veseen! Only in some porn had I seen such a fat cock! I couldn't take it deep but I was doing my best. Then I started riding him. It was VERY fat and it hit all the right places! I came biting his shoulder! The balcony door was open and I didn't want to be heard! And yes, my GF was watching us! Soon he came inside me. After that, I went to his bed dancing, smiling, with cum dripping off my pussy with a smug expression on my face. My GF texted me, she liked our show. Some time passed where we texted back and forth. Suddenly he closed the shutters and the balcony door. He came to bed and turned me on my belly. He spread my legs and his fingers rubbed his cum off my pussy on and in my asshole, sliding in! I was startled! His fingers fucked my ass for a while, but out of the blue he rode me shoving his cock violently in! He was hard again, I screamed! His was brutally fucking my ass while he was pushing my face against the pillow! I was biting the pillow because I realized that my clit was rubbing on his picket blanket! I thought of screaming "No" but I didn't want to! Now one hand on my left shoulder pinned me down and the other was pulling my hair! And I had the best clit orgasm ever, while his cock was ripping me apart messing up my guts!!! His sweatty torso was crushing me and he didn't stop so my clit was so tender that I felt I was gonna faint! I was crying, screaming on the pillow! Pleasure along with pain!! After a while I had almost fainted when he filled me with his cum! He pulled out and stepped back. Sat on his armchair. He said 'I'm sorry. If you leave and never come back, I understand ' . I was crying on a fetal position full covered of his sweat and old spice smell, confused because I was feeling humiliated but mostly horny, the horniest I've ever felt up until now! Minutes passed and I got up. I kneeled in front of him and started kissing his floppy wet cock. I didn't mind his haired balls, even though I swallowed some hairs! We went to bed, no talk, he spooned me and we slept. (He snores..). The next morning I woke up alone. On the bedside table was a note and a key on it. "I'm sorry. Take my spare key and whenever you want to return, don't hesitate. But I can't guarantee that this won't happen again". I got up. My whole body was sore! I still have a bruise on my left shoulder. My clit was very tender, irritated and swollen. My asshole was twitching, cramping and my innards felt weird (mind you I had anal sex multiple times). I went to the toilet, luckily no blood. My makeup was all over the place, the tears had made me look like the Crow. I had a shower and left totally humiliated. My problem is... I loved that! Why? Ok, my daddy issues kicked in, let's go past that. He texted me a few times and I told him I'm alright. I truly am. But why? Should I proceed knowing that more of this humiliation is on the way? It makes me horny just thinking about it! I only talked to my GF. She said that she will support me whatever I decide. Our boyfriends know only that I had a good time. And that I bruised falling off his bed. Any thoughts? I need insights!