can i just cry

can i just cry :( i hate my body so much. my husband brother called said they having another girl and i told my husband i really don't care they don't take care of the first one... and i feel bad for saying that but i'm hurt i can't get pregnant and i'm just tired of this shit people throw it in our face all time knowing we struggle :( i hope one day we get our blessing im going through the doctors now to see why but it's taking to long :( i can't afford ivf or iui