I know I’m stupid because I kept taking that b.s

This guy I dated last year broke up with me after six months (I know, that’s short) and it hit me really hard. We met each others family, I met his friends and he came to a very important family event of mine. He was my first in that sense, along with other instances. Distance, amongst other things drew us apart and he said he wasn’t happy with the relationship anymore, so he dumped me. Less than a month later, he called me and said he misses me and wants to work things out. Initially I was confused and had my guard up because I wasn’t sure if he actually meant that. We kept talking for a few weeks and when I finally let my guard down, he started ignoring me. I’d be so frustrated and confused because I wasn’t sure what had happened. When I asked him if working things out was what he really wanted, he’d tell me yes. I’d always ask him if he was sure about that, because it was never just about him being honest with me. He needed to be honest with himself, too. After finally getting through to him, we agreed to meet up in person and talk things out. When we did, he once again brought up the need to “break a cycle” but didn’t give me a chance to speak my piece. I was so frustrated that I left him in the middle of his sentence. I don’t drive, and I refused to let him take me home, so I took an Uber. I felt so humiliated and hurt that I allowed myself to be put in that kind of position. I took the time to heal and gather myself to the best of my ability, but I was still struggling a bit. When I finally was able to pick myself up fully, he hit me up again (I couldn’t block him on anything because he beat me to it). He asked me to talk to him “as an adult” because he was confused about how things ended the previous time we spoke to each other. I let him know why I left the way I did and he responded back with how he’s “going to therapy”. To make a long story short, we wound up talking again and the same thing happened. We’d make plans and he’d flake last minute, he’d leave me on read for days and blocked me on social media. New Year’s eve we finally connected ( or so I thought) and things seemed really good. The next day, the same thing happened. He told me he wasn’t interested in pursuing anything more and ignored my call when I tried to contact him. I wasn’t having it anymore. I sent him voice notes letting him know what I was feeling, and he did respond to them. Looking back now I know half of what he said was bullshit. He “apologized” and told me I deserve better, and I know I do. I just find it so frustrating how despite all of it, I still think about him. I still think about what could’ve been and I still think about how he made me feel- not only when I was with him but after the breakup, too. The part that makes me think of him romantically is that lonely part of me, but the part that makes me mad is the one who knows I deserved way better. I still wanna punch him in the face. I know I have to get over that, and I’ve been trying. I hate that I find myself thinking of him on nights like these without even realizing it, because I know damn well he isn’t thinking of me. He hasn’t for awhile, even when we were contacting each other. Reflection helps, but it hurts too. That’s what comes with growth, I know. I just wish I could skip all of this hurt. My family tells me to put myself back out there and meet new people, to make friends but it’s been hard. I have no idea where to go from here.