Really mixed emotions about my mom

I’m wondering if anyone has felt this before. I stopped talking to my mom 2 months ago after she crossed a major boundary. We never had a great relationship but this was the final straw. The reason isn’t really relevant to my question I don’t think. She was emotionally abusive to me my whole life and physically abusive (only a few times) until I was around 15 years old.

Last week one of her close friends died. She’s an elementary school teacher and I assumed news of the shooting in nashville upset her a lot. So between those 2 things I figured she was having a horrible week and something in me thought it’d be helpful for her if I allowed her to see my infant son who she loves to see, and she hasn’t seen him since I cut her off. My husband offered to host my mom at our house while I went to the gym for an hour. It sounded like a great plan. But as soon as he invited her, I felt absolute dread and anxiety and fear. I was panicking about the thought of her touching my son and told my husband not to let her hold him. I slept only 2 hours that night because I was so scared and worried about the visit. I felt like I was using my son as her emotional support baby or something, it felt so gross. I wanted to cancel it so badly but then I got a reminder that our pediatrician appointment was scheduled for the same time as her visit, so my husband tried to offer to meet a different day but she was busy so he said okay let’s try again another time, (me) isn’t ready anyway. So I’m off the hook and the visit is off.

But today I have this nagging feeling again that I should invite her over again. But I literally just went through that scenario and it was super triggering for me. So why do I think this is something I need to do? It’s so confusing. I see a therapist but she’s not that helpful so I’m asking you guys 😅 I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a few weeks but need a some advice sooner than that.

Also my husband has not blocked her because he thinks one day I’ll reconcile with her and he doesn’t want to be the bad guy at that point. She texts him every few days to check in or ask him to give me a message. It’s infuriating to me bc the reason I blocked her is I don’t want to hear from her. Should he just ignore her texts or should he say something to ask her to stop texting him?