Love triangle with an ex and a friend

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 yrs and 9 months. We were together since my junior his senior year. We’ve grown together and endured a year of long distance, my strict foreign parents, and we saw a future together. Our values and morals perfectly aligned.

I broke up bc he had started being mean for the last year and a half. He spoke to me with an attitude to the point that our friends noticed. I’d bring it up to him and he didn’t see the issue and I realize he thought it was normal when I saw his dad speaking to his mom like that. He was also trying to “win” arguments and often would since he’s better than me at debating. That meant he wouldn’t actually listen to me. He also was very “his way” to where I cried on my birthday bc he wanted to do what he planned for me instead of what I actually wanted to do.

Now we’ve had this friend who would spend a lot of time with us. This friend and I were very respectful of each other and never allowed ourselves to develop feelings for each other. However in the last few months leading up to the breakup we did. He was always very stoic and would be very considerate of me like staying behind to wait for me while our friend group and my ex would run off to get out of the rain, or offering me his jacket when he despises feeling cold. When I had broken up, I stopped eating and he would bring me breakfast before my classes. I said I wanted to take things real slow rn and we did until a few weeks after the breakup where we have started kissing and making out and I’ve never felt this kind of passion while doing that.

However, my ex wants me back so badly and I do miss him. He’s doing everything he can to change bc he says he will never find anyone exactly like me. I have seen that he’s changed and he’s very mature and calm in all of his interactions. He has told me how he understands how I saw his dad in how he behaves. He’s also very good at knowing how to care for me where he came over and cleaned my depression room for me while I was panicking about 2 exams I had to take the next morning.

That being said, the friend has never had a girlfriend and has been so lonely and he has finally been very happy for the first time in years bc he loves being with me. He said I’m the first person he’s ever truly missed and that he has been looking for a girl like me these last few years we’d been friends, as I was the criteria. However our values don’t align as much as he vapes (though trying to quit), drinks quite a bit, and cusses a lot. We do have the same interests and he claims he’ll do anything for me and to just tell him what I want.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I miss my ex and everything we’ve worked through together. I feel like I’m throwing it all away now. I miss how chipper and energetic he would be about things in my life. But I also have always needed my friend, and I love how funny he is and how he’s very stoic. I don’t know what to do and I can’t even see what it is I want bc I’m blinded by feeling obligated to both of them and their feelings.

Any advice out there?