I feel so guilty that im pregnant 😭

Im so saddened that i have this long story to share with you all, buts its something i have to get off my chest.

I don’t know where to start, but ill do my best.

Me and my sister in-law (whom has been having infertility problems for the past 8 years) where pregnant at the same time just 4 days apart on our due date (this july) . My sister in law is 30 and has gone through insamination, 3 IVFS and two surgeries and still has yet to have her first baby. I have two boys, and now 28 weeks pregnant with my first baby girl that i never imagined would happen (just felt i was gunna be a boy mama forever lol) and when i got pregnant with my third it was really hard to tell her and her husband because we felt bad as we live together in a multigenerational home, but little did we know, she secretly did IVF without telling us and shortly after they surprised us when she hit 10 weeks! We were all so excited and i felt relieved that shes going to get all the extra pregnancy attention and i get to be excited about my pregnancy without feeling bad. I had a gender reveal for her (girl) and everything was perfect! After about 12 weeks she had her ultrasound and they found out the baby had fluid behind the neck, in her 16 weeks ultrasound the fluid went all around the body and the baby was diagnosed with fetal hydrops and they said she will not live past 20 weeks. Her water broke at 17 weeks and gave birth to her experiencing all the contractions and came home with a box of memories, and we buried her precious baby girl. It was so hard to be present, and pregnant at the same time with her, and to have her lose her baby while mine is still moving in my tummy, i feel so guilty qnd heartbroken. I am currently 28 weeks and not once have i ever made any comment on my pregnancy (as well as the family) i have a hard time walking around with a pregnant belly knowing that my sister in law could stare at me and say “that could have been me” i have reached my third trimester with only 12 weeks left of my pregnancy without buying any baby clothes/products because i feel bad walking past her with a bag full of baby clothes :/ i just cant do it. I don’t know how i can get past this guiltiness that i feel, and i am dreading the day she will be here where they will have to hold her. And look at her and say “this could have been our baby” for the rest of my daughters life she will be a reminder of what could have been their daughter (at this stage, at this age) . From the day that we found out her baby was not going to make it, i have lost all my happiness for being pregnant, i am not excited about having a girl anymore, and i feel so bad for myself, but if i mention my pregnancy in anyway i feel selfish.