**TRIGGER WARNING**

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I was raped when I was 17 by someone I grew up with. He’s only a couple years older than I am & I’ve known him my whole life; our parents went to high school together & we used to hang out a lot.

I never reported my rape. I never told anyone except my therapist I was already seeing for a separate issue. It’s a very small town (population is under 1,000) & he has close family members on the very small police force there so I didn’t think I would be taken seriously or that they would find a way to cover it up or find a way to get rid of me all together. Sounds dramatic, I know, but those from a tiny rural town will understand.

But after my rape I cut off all contact with him. I blocked him on every social media I had, I blocked his phone number & even moved hours away. My parents thought we had a falling out & just weren’t friends anymore.

Fast foward to a couple days ago, 7 years later... I found an amazing husband 5 years ago, we have 3 beautiful children together… I get a Facebook message from my rapist: “hey, how have you been?” He made a new Facebook & found me with my new last name & decided to message me out of the blue to check on me?? Why would he do that? What’s the point? Is he just trying to fuck with me?

I don’t get it. I don’t understand. Just when I thought I was finally above it all… I FREAKED out. Had the biggest panic attack I’ve had in years.

My husband knows what happened to me. I told him a few months into our relationship. He’s been really great helping me keep calm... I’m trying to just ignore it the best I can but it’s so hard.

I didn’t open the message; I just archived it, but all of these emotions have been brewing for a couple days now & it’s all coming out.

I know it may not seem like that big of a deal, it’s just a message but it opened a lot of old wounds & I repressed a lot of memories that are now resurfacing… I’m just having a hard time & needed to let it out…