The weight of this mom's responsibilities

So every year my son has had issues in school with focus, listening, completing work, and the inability to stay still. He was tested when he was much younger (prek) and they gave him an iep for a speech impairment. His iep has continued in school each grade with him. It is now the end of 2nd grade. The teacher he has been with this year has the same issues and we are looking into getting testing done again, checking for learning disorders. He improves and then he starts having issues again off and on. Super smart kid, loves learning, and also very sweet boy. Anyways, I started him off young with the electronics: game and videos. Some for learning, and some for just playing. My husband and I are gamers. He was never against it in the past but now that we are looking into what the possible problems it is he mentions that I let him play games witbout consequences. Creative play, no survival, basically God-mode. He brings this up constantly and rubs it in my face. This is just a miniscule of the things he "blames" me for. Or this is how I feel, maybe his intention isnt necesarily to blame me but to put out what is being done wrong. But it all falls into my lap because I spend the most time with him. Other things are that we set a reward system. He gets these coins or gems on a daily basis for good behavior, finishing work, good test grades, doing chores. I started to fall off on it mid school year. I was struggling to remember and then I just stopped all together. My husband thinks the reason my son is having issues is because I stopped the reward system. Another problem: my son has a weakness of spelling. I work on it with him but after 5 hours of the same worksheet, I am tired, my patience is gone, I get aggravated. So when he can't spell the same word that he just spelled 10 minutes ago, honestly....I have turned into a butthead. I don't yell at him or call him names but the aggravation from me is obvious. He brings this up as well, but the point is, if you see that I am like this....instead of telling me later, step in and take over. He told me I broke my son's confidence. Now he isn't doing work in school. So I admit, I am lacking, I have made mistakes, but I am doing it by myself. I don't get help. It's just me. My husband works all day and comes home and expects to play with his son after I have done all of his homework with him. And he is aggravated at me because of this. And now that he hasnt been completing his work in school he has to take it home and finish it over weekends or whatever day it is. He is any a very busy homework/project type school. I don't have an excuse for my mistakes. This is literally my first kid and I learn new about parenting every single day. I have a job, I work from home. I am also currently pregnant so yes, I am more emotional right now. Lol, I also ger criricized by his mother as well. But she has been doing that since his birth. His speech impairment is my fault because I didn't join a mom group and have him around kids his age more often, his current issues right now she says is because I do everything for him so he expects that he doesn't have to do anything for himself. She thinks that he needs behavioral counseling and that my husband and I need parenting counseling. Blah! Forgive my rant. I am upset. I'm tired. Words of encouragement needed! I don't want to give up and I never will. I want to improve myself, but I just feel like I am being shoved down more and more. If I hear one more critique that makes me feel shoved back down again I am going to burst.