I’ve had some sexual trauma in my past which has made me pretty uninterested in sex. I do have my phases where my libido suddenly reappears but will then be nonexistent and it can last for weeks, even months at times. I tried working on it with a previous therapist who took advantage and made the trauma worse. I feel as if it’s causing a strain in my relationship. My husband has known about my trauma for years and I’ve explained to him on multiple occasions that sometimes I just don’t want to and feel like I can’t have sex. It’s almost this heavy guilt that washes over me when we do have sex, as if what I did was wrong and now I’m dirty. Idk but I hate the feeling so when I’m going through the phase where I don’t have any kind of libido, I don’t want to force myself into sexual activities if I know I won’t enjoy them. I tried to push past it once and silently cried during intercourse because it felt awful. I didn’t tell him to stop or tell him that I was even crying bc I didn’t want him to be upset or anything. Which he’s never gotten mad per se but as of recently, when I turn down sex or at this point any touching of any kind because it always leads to sex with him, he jokes “you’re not fun anymore” and he giggles as he says it, but it hurts. Because at the start of our relationship, i honestly don’t know what I had going on to where I was very sexual, had a high libido, and could keep up with him. I still had my phases where I wouldn’t have any libido but they would last a few days or a week, not a month like today. After what happened with my therapist, and then becoming pregnant, it changed for me. And I hate that I’m not the person he fell in love with anymore. I’m at the point where I use our toddler as an excuse to not sleep in our bed to avoid any kind of contact (I tell him she wakes up multiple times a night so it’s easier if I just sleep in her room). Because even simple cuddling leads to sex and feeling his erection on my back makes my stomach turn and I get anxiety for whatever reason and it’s a bodily reaction for me to immediately arch my back and try to pull away. I hate it. I hate myself for not being able to please my husband. I hate that I can’t push past this trauma and be the woman he once loved. Can I overcome this? Or will my relationship fail?