Help…

Hi, i have a terrible history of relationships. I have been cheated on, used, manipulated. My last relationship made me lose sight of a lot of things.

A lot of those things affected me which made me take a step back. A lot of things happened in the past that I wish I could’ve made a different decision.

Right now I don’t even know how a good relationship should be because my perspective is very different due to what I have been through.

I have been talking to a new guy at the moment for the past 2 months and i feel like he is pulling away because of how I handle the most little things because of my trauma. We used to be on video call every day and text but right now no more video calls for the past week. He did little cute stuff like writing me a letter to me via mail. Due to how my past relationships went, this is makes me think he doesn’t want me anymore. One thing about me is, once you start something like a “trend-video calls every night” with me, stopping it triggers me. Feels like I’m being slowly ghosted… especially when this is long distance. I know this sounds very terrible of me but I forgot his birthday. Didn’t text nor say anything to him about it. I am terrible with birthdays but I apologized.

He still sends me memes till this day. We only text right now he doesn’t call me anymore.

I have never been in a healthy relationship before so I really don’t know how to feel about this. I just don’t wanna be the reason we don’t work out. I felt the need to look for his current location through his phone number but couldn’t. Am I overthinking this? Am i crazy for feeling like this? Isn’t it healthy to be on the phone everyday? Even if its just to feel their presence? My heart aches…