Autism

I’ve was diagnosed with autism when I was 3. Throughout my life , I’ve received all the help and assistance I could get in special ed and etc. but I’ve also struggled with bullying, self-confidence issues, and more. Things were even harder when I had to repeat a grade and my own father had repeatedly showed his disappointment in that in me and tried so desperately to deny my obvious diagnosis. There would even be moments where I would get made fun of cause of obvious or clear signs of my behavior being “unusual” or notable, which made me feel self conscious about my overall self. This caused me to inflict myself with mental and physical pain. I’ve been to therapy and it had helped me with my depression. I went through shit times such as cheating, heartbreak, and a miscarriage. I’ve tried to act and even look as “normal” and professional as I can be and try not to show obvious signs in behavior and by far most of my peers and others haven’t made comments or etc , but the fact that they tend to shun me out makes me think that they may know and would like to not associate with someone like me. Today, I’m about to finish college with an education degree, I’m in a better relationship, and I have wonderful friends. But im scared and wondering if I’ll fail others, if my boyfriend really does want to stay with me even though he knows and says he loves me…I would like some opinions and thoughts on what I’m currently struggling with. I’m sorry if I sound mixed up or confusing, I have so much emotions that I can’t fully comprehend.