Would you MAKE your children hug their grandparents even if they didn’t want to / feel comfortable ?

Question

Would you MAKE your children hug their grandparents even if they didn’t want to / feel comfortable ?

K • Wed, Aug 09

Would you MAKE your children hug their grandparents even if they didn’t want to/feel comfortable? Please explain why, I know it’s different for everyone even my boyfriend and I have different opinions on this so i’m just curious to know if I am the only one who wouldn’t make my child hug anyone they didn’t want to, even grandparents.

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Answer

No I don’t. We will ask if they wanna give a hug goodbye but if they say no then we do not force it. You need to teach your kids about consent. They have the right to say no otherwise what kind of messaging are you giving them by not giving them the choice? It’s their body. You don’t want them feeling like they have too because that can be very bad if they’re put in a situation where someone wants to do something inappropriate and they might feel they have no choice.

Answer

Never. I don't make my son hug anyone he doesn't want to, including me. All that teaches them is that how they feel doesn't matter and if someone else wants to touch them, they have to let them. Its manipulative to tell them it'll hurt the adult's feelings. What about their feelings? And a child isn't responsible for how an adult feels. Forcing a child to allow physical touch when they don't want to means the lines become blurred when unsafe touching becomes involved. Someone makes them uncomfortable or god forbid molests them and they think they have to just accept it because an adult's want to touch supersedes their right to their own body and to say no. So no, we never ever force phsyical affection.

Answer

Youre training them to suppress their feelings and interpersonal space to please others. It isnt about the grandparents or whoever it is, it's that it has a negative side effect by saying 'show affection or youre bad/not nice' so they learn to switch off that part of their emotional regulation and it can transcend into other areas beyobd grandma.