So my daughter, 2.5 years old, has recently developed an overwhelming need to do things by herself. Even things very far out of her skill level, with zero help accepted. This gets long but the question is basically, what do I do about her refusing my help or any consolation when she’s upset? That’s basically the gist of the post if you don’t want to read it all, she’s extreme when she’s angry and I can’t do anything to help her once she’s like that, but the things she wants to do without help (when I have to say no) are mostly dangerous.

Examples;

I’m making breakfast and she’ll join me in the kitchen, she used to say “I help you mommy?” And I would say of course you can and we’d get her a chair and she’d help me make breakfast. I didn’t ever tell her she couldn’t try things, I let her near the heat to learn how close is safe to get to it, there wasn’t anything she couldn’t do with a little assistance. But now she’ll come into the kitchen and say “I do it myself!” And tries to take over, accepts no help, no matter what I’m making. Even if is bacon sizzling in a pan, she will insist on flipping the bacon. For the most part I can let her take over tasks, with a reminder of how to ask for things and how to politely communicate your wants, blah blah blah. But if it’s something she legitimately can not do, like the bacon, cutting something with a knife (I want to get a kids chopper/cutter set but until then, I don’t let her use a knife. I don’t care if I can teach her, I will one day but not at 2.5, and you won’t convince me otherwise), or anything else unsafe. If I have to say no or tell her I have to help her, she freaks out. Screams “no!” Over and over and says “I do it MYSELF!” Over and over, all while crying hysterically.

Another example is she has an eyeshadow palette that’s hers, and she can play with it on her own. But if she wants access to any other makeup of mine, she has to ask and have help. She’s never had a problem with this before. The other day I was doing my makeup, getting ready for work and she came in and started playing with her palette, putting eyeshadow on her eyes and cheeks (she uses different shades as eyeshadow, blush, & highlighter, she’s really got the concept down, she just uses any color lol), but then she picked up my matte liquid lipstick. and y’all when this stuff dries it doesn’t move at all, it lasts through any food or drink, I can sleep in it and wear it the next day, it’s hard to get off of me. So I didn’t want to put it on her, I have other lipsticks that are safer for her that I put on her. So I tried to offer her one of those and she screamed and said “NO! This one! I do it myself!” And of course both of those were not doable and I couldn’t budge on it. It would’ve never come off her lips or the rest of her face without irritating amounts of scrubbing. Speaking from experience.

How do I convince her to accept help more often? And once she’s mad, she’s inconsolable. You can’t talk to her, touch her, or even get near her because she’ll push you away and scream, she will not let me comfort her at all when she’s upset. I’m at a loss.