Need to vent 🥺❤️‍🩹

**PLEASE NO HARSH COMMENTS STILL A LEARNING MOM YOU COULD SAY**

I’m a mommy to a two month old and a 2 year old both of them girls. I was worried about this and I think my fears might be coming true🥺 my oldest daughter when she was born couldn’t latch to be honest didn’t even care to try so breastfeeding with my first was mostly pumping and using a nipple shield to be able to have some sort of closeness by 3 months my supply literally went away no matter how much I pumped I couldn’t get my supply back. So we just went to formula and eventually found out she had a milk allergy so she was on alimentum she was very good during the day and really bad at night we ended up co sleeping with and sometimes without a lounger but during the day the best plus she also used a pacifier since day 1 since the hospital gave her one. Really didn’t think of how attached she would become with it. Now my two month old completely different actually latched after almost a month of trying and was pumping to still give her and pediatrician also suggested alimentum for formula since the regular formula would just give her diarrhea right away but now that I’m a month of breastfeeding like actual baby to boob it’s all new to me baby wants to be with me at all times and doesn’t want a pacifier for nothing and was supplementing with formula if I had given her both breast and she still wasn’t satisfied. Now baby won’t take the bottle unless it’s breastmilk she doesn’t like the formula unless it’s really warm like how I imagine breast milk comes out, but she mostly doesn’t want it anymore now I’ve been trying to pump and create a little stash nothing crazy just like if I need to go out for a quick trip to the pharmacy or drop off my husbands lunch at work I could leave my baby with my mother in law and take my eldest with me as she really misses being with me just like I miss spending time with her. I feel so guilty when I have to be with my little one and my toddler wants to play and I can’t play with her anymore bc I’m either breastfeeding or trying to put her to sleep and it seems like baby can’t sleep without me I’ve tried swaddling her, changing her diaper white noise and even the lullaby to put my oldest to sleep at night and she would only sleep 30-40 minutes (this started the last few days) if I carry her in a sling she’ll sleep for two hours but I can’t have that one on one with my oldest that I know she needs and to be honest I need too.

I love them both but I really feel like my oldest is left out and when husband comes home he plays and takes out our toddler to take her mind out everything and so I can relax too and just relax with my newborn but sometimes I wish just being alone with my toddler.

Please any advice I can do so my newborn can sleep in the crib or bassinet? Does it get better ? Btw my newborn hates the car she’ll cry so I can’t just go out and take them to distract my toddler and ever since I stopped giving a lot of attention to my toddler she’s become very rebellious! Throwing stuff, jumping and climbing on the sofa or even fire place. Grabbing chairs to get whatever is on the countertop. It’s been really hard trying to deal with both and I love breastfeeding like I said it’s still so new to me bc my oldest didn’t breastfeed from the boob. I’ve also had to turn on the tv almost all day so it distracts my daughter to I can breastfeed or do some chores while wearing baby so she can sleep. I want to cut off tv time because she’s become so addicted but it’s the only thing that’s helping me with her. Please tell me it gets better and this is a phase where baby needs me the most and then she’ll maybe sleep alone with music playing idk 🥺