Need some advice…

I want to lose my virginity to my long term boyfriend but we have had a hard time trying. It’s like I’m extremely tight. We have tried different positions and nothing works.

I do get nervous because I’m scared of the thought of pain and blood but I think I’ve gotten better at relaxing. I also have bad health anxiety and some of the far fetched fears I have play a part in my nervousness. I had a uti 2 years ago that I didn’t even know I had that turned into a bad kidney infection. The pain was extreme and I felt like I was dying. My health anxiety makes me think that if I have sex I will get a uti and not know it and then I’ll get really sick again or just something bad will happen to me if I have sex. I don’t know where this fear comes from.

Today he tried fingering me. He got half of his finger in there and the pressure bothered me. When I thought that was the worst part it got even more worse like a little sharp pain so he stopped. When he showed me how much of his finger actually went in I felt disappointed in myself because it was only a little bit and I had reacted the way I did over that little bit. He reassured me that it was okay and held me. Is there anything I can do to help with this issue?