Family members comparing daughters, should I say something or is it just innocent comments?

Question

So my sister and I both recently had babies, both girls who are just a month apart in age. Recently there’s been a couple times where family members have made comments comparing the 2 of them. About a week ago I went to visit family and someone looked at my daughter and said “wow she’s gorgeous, she’s a lot prettier than “blank”-(sisters baby’s name).” I just kinda awkwardly laughed and ignored the comment. It happened again on thanksgiving we went to another family members house and someone there bent down to look at my daughter and said “she’s PRETTY! She’s way cuter than your sisters baby” I again ignored the comment because I don’t know what I’m expected to say in response to that. Our babies are both beyond gorgeous and cute as buttons lol a couple other comments got made such as my daughter having more hair, my sisters baby having a cuter smile, my daughter being smaller, etc. it’s kinda starting to bother me a bit because I don’t want that to be something that continues as they get older especially with them being girls it’s not right to compare them to one another. It’s also weird that they’re already comparing them when they’re this small they’re only a few months old. I grew up being compared to my sister constantly and hearing comments like that from family members to the point it built resentment between my sister and I and affected our relationship at times. It made us feel like we were competing against each other. I don’t want that to happen with our daughters. I’m unfortunately not very good at confronting people or speaking up about things that bother me, but should this be something that bothers me or am I maybe being dramatic and taking their comments in the wrong way? I’m sure they were just “compliments” in a way but they shouldn’t have to compare my daughter to my sisters baby to say she’s cute.😅 They’re just babies but like I said I don’t want this to be something that continues as they grow up. Should I say something or leave it be?

Answer

Say something, because saying nothing and laughing it off makes it seem like you agree.
It's inappropriate, rude, and disgusting for anybody let alone family to compare CHILDREN and especially compare their APPEARANCE. That is unacceptable behavior and I would shut it down immediately.

Answer

My inlwas have always done this with their grandchildren...and kids as kids and still as grown ass adults...and Ishut that shit down every single time. They are all loved kids in the family and I dont deal with the comments about how one baby is more advanced or prettier or whose kid is so much better at sports or so much smarter than so and sos kis. Whether its my kids involved on either side of the comments or neices or nephews I always say something because I see and.have heard how my husband felt about it being said about him as a kid and how much it effected him. You can say a baby is cute without having to say oh your baby is cuter than Xs baby. People in my view dont need to cause extraneous competition via kids who are just existing. Say a baby is cute, be surprised a kid is walking early or how smart a kid is but you dont need to compare them as that is just boosting one at the expense of another. I'd personally say something but it is a  personal pet peeve of mine and the hill I choose to die on so worth it to me. Even just something like I think both babies are beautiful...X baby has the prettiest eyes/cutest smile/etc. I make it known I don't do baby competition and rankings. That is just me though as it really messed up my husband as well as his relationships with siblings/cousins when they always were ranked or compared in ways. Made them opponents not teammates and he always felt bad as he wasnt ever the smart one or the handsome one of anything...he was the athletic one. Made him crazy competitive to keep that spot in the family and caused issues with his same aged family.

Answer

I think it's a good idea to say something because as your kids get older, they will likely overhear these little comments and it can affect them. It can build resentment like it did with you, or even make your daughter feel like her value/pride is in her looks versus other more important aspects of her.

Answer

I understand, My stepsister's daughter is only 2 weeks younger than our son.. and my partner's brother and sister had their sons 2 weeks before and 1 week after our baby was born.
I do notice that my dad and his woman are comparing a lot more than my MIL is. But the difference between my stepsister's daughter and my son is a lot bigger.
Where my son and his cousins are developmentally on par with eachother (yet, it seems are all a bit ahead on their peers?), my stepsister's daughter seems to be a bit slower developmentally.. Which is totally fine, when my dad or his woman say something about it, I sometimes try to downplay it by saying something like "Oh sure, he's done something like that this week too" like.. he sometimes did, but I don't want them to think she's that much behind because I don't think she's actually behind, I think she's completely age appropriate. I don't want them to give off any kind of vibe towards my stepsister or her daughter because that absolutely wouldn't be fair to them. Maybe I'm going about this absolutely the wrong way idk..

Answer

Back handed or passive aggressive comments. I would have said thank you for the compliment however that was rude what you said about ____ what is wrong with you. That’s like me saying you would be so nice if you weren’t such an asshole. See how it feels. Keep your comments to yourself they aren’t welcomed or appreciated. You said this crap growing up and it made my sister and I not have a good relationship because of you so cut the toxic crap and keep your comments to yourself.

Answer

I would say "thats not nice to say"

Answer

Of course you have to say something, people are so stupid and they are slowly starting to shape these girls future. My husband was considered the cute one when he was younger but his brother didn’t get the same treatment i guess. They are both black, husband is light skin almost mixed looking and his brother is dark skin. His brother recently came out and said how much that affected him, i think it ruined the poor guy. My husband thinks his brother is just making excuses but i totally believe his brother.

Answer

I would say something. If you don't, it will definitely continue, and they will eventually start understanding what is being said. It's not OK and they need to shut up.￼

Answer

"That is rude. Please don't say that again."

Family members comparing daughters, should I say something or is it just innocent comments?

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