Venting

I’m planning on finally responding to my man who isn’t my man but we plan on giving things a try after finally meet. Yes it’s long distance…. I know it’s something about when someone says they’re in a “Long Distance” relationship that just triggers people but I digress….

So I didn’t here from him for a couple days and he just randomly responded with a “Hey you” text and I was more than over it….

I really want this man in my life and he says he wants me as well however we haven’t met yet. Even though that’s the case he says that he’ll only want to be my second skin after we have met.

So when he just disappears I know there is a reason, I trust that he’ll be honest with me if I ask what’s been going on or why, and I don’t feel that he’ll lie to me. My issue is sort of with myself! I’m ready for a husband! Him and I have known each other ever since I was a virgin and now here I am a now “ single mother” and his feelings for me haven’t changed.

So I want to talk to him about what my expectations are and possibly let him know that maybe getting back in touch was a mistake for now because he seems to have a lot going on and he doesn’t seem willing or ready to actually commit to a relationship with me right now. Even though he makes an effort to be there for me it’s just not enough. I couldn’t possibly tell him that though right? I know I’m probably rambling and I apologize but I don’t have anyone to talk to about these things so thanks in advance to anyone who has some positive feedback for me . He’s a really sweet guy, he’s always been that way but as we’re back getting to know each other after all these years he seems to have these boundaries. He’s even gone so far as to say that he wouldn’t apologize for how he’s spending his time off of work if he doesn’t include me in any of that time. He apologizes for how it makes me feel but not for doing it. I mean it makes me feel like because we aren’t technically in an official relationship I have no place to speak on how he’s acting or what he’s doing with his time right?

I mean and we do other things, I mean X RATED pictures and videos but I’m the one who’s really sending them very often so I sort of feel like I should stop. I mean we want each other so we send these pictures and videos but I want other things that I’m not getting… I want him to make more time for me, I want him to be more attentive to me and my situations whatever they may me, I want him to check in on me way more often than 3 -4 times in a month if I don’t speak first…

When I tried to mention it before he said he feels like he’s being pulled in a hundred different directions everyday. He works, and on his off days he goes to school, and when he’s off work he takes care of his mother. So maybe now is just bad timing