Boyfriend can’t grow up ….

Boyfriend 35. No job. On unemployment. Living in his mothers apartment and complains he can’t afford to pay her $100 a month to live there.

Has nothing going on for himself. I was already trying to break up with him. I’ve been with him for 11 years and a majority of the time he’s been this way.

He also cheated on me a few years ago so I already see there isn’t any coming back from something like that.

The problem? He won’t leave me alone. His mom and him are constantly arguing about him paying her rent. She married a millionaire and he bought her a house. But she kept her old section 8 apartment open and her adult daughter was living there..

My boyfriend moved back there 2 years ago when I kicked him out of my apartment.

I work and pay all of my own bills by myself.

I pay my full rent (no section 8)

Electricity

Wi-Fi

Car payment

Car insurance

Gas

Groceries

House necessities …. Every month.

All on my own. And work every week so I’m able to do so…

Only to be with someone on the opposite side of life. That doesn’t work and somehow thinks they should be able to lay around places and do the bare minimum. Invade someone’s space but can’t contribute any money towards bills. We are ADULTS. Not children anymore…..

And he just called me as I’m at work this morning and said how he’s going to a funeral and his family all went to breakfast this morning and never asked him if he wanted to go. Said there’s food in the house (which is wrong. He took a train from my house to attend his moms husbands sons funeral) and they couldn’t invite him to breakfast with them? After they made him go to the funeral when he was at my house 2 hours away…. It was wrong… I would be upset if my family did something like that….

And he just sounds really depressed and says he’s just done with life today…. And I can hear in his voice he doesn’t sound like himself lately and it hurts me.

But I’m working really hard. I just got comfortable being alone. Enjoying my freedom finally. I pay all of my own bills. (Yes I do get help from family occasionally! I’m not perfect either) but I do my best to keep going! Never quitting regardless how hard life can be. You do what you HAVE TO, AS AN ADULT. I watched women in my family get up and work all of my life. Hell, my grandmother is still working at 82 years old!

So it’s really hard to watch someone like him. Live this way. And act like he is incapable of feeding himself, or affording $200 in rent a month. And thinking women in his life should tolerate him being unemployed and living in their homes as he contributes NOTHING.

Now he’s coming BACK to my house Monday. Because I feel bad for him. His voice doesn’t sound the same. I will let him stay for a week. And tell him he needs to get his life together.

I can’t get us both through life anymore. He needs to man up. And realize no one owes him anything! It’s time to be a big boy now. And if he can’t then I can’t be with someone who CANT HELP ME LIVE A COMFORTABLE ADULT LIFE. That’s not fair to me…..

And I genuinely fear he will harm himself. His brother committed suicide in 2005. Due to depression and similar problems. Only difference was his brother had 2 young sons to provide for and felt like a failure.

I believe if I broke up with him, and his family eventually grows tired of him being a 35+ year old toddler that can’t take care of himself he will eventually follow his brothers footsteps of hopelessness.

I’m just trying to work and pay my bills. I wish I wasn’t stuck dealing with this man and all of his issues it’s too much for me. But something in me isn’t letting myself turn my back in him now. He’s a good person. He did work hard as a cook for 6 years. He just has a hard time being an adult clearly…. He thinks he’s entitled to lay around and live a free easy life if he could. And that completely turns me off. I can’t be with a man like that.

And it seems he has NOTHING going on in his life besides being with me. Now he’s my problem. It’s my issue he has no money and his mother charges him $100-$200 a month….. he complains to me on the phone and genuinely does not hear how asinine he sounds. I think he forgets he is a 35 year old grown man. And if he thinks he’s going to come lay around my house. When his unemployment runs out and can’t find a job I’m going to deal with that? He’s on drugs.

What should I do?

I genuinely do not want to be in a relationship, like with anyone.

I genuinely enjoy my freedom now. Working paying MY OWN BILLS and having MY OWN SPACE to go home to with my 2 cats.

I got too comfortable being my own woman for once. Then he comes with his depressing life and I can’t be someone’s entire world right now. He needs to go find himself. Find a way to support himself instead of trying to be with me…..

I just turned 32. I do not find that attractive at all. I more so feel sorry for him and will let him stay for A WEEK. Before I send him back home. And going to have a talk with him that he needs to find a job and earn money to take care of himself. It’s fucking insane I even have to tell a GROWN MAN THEY NEED TO EARN MONEY AND FIGURE THEIR LIFE OUT

Im honestly exhausted from dealing with him for the past 11 years. It’s not romantic to be with someone like this…. He’s too pathetic of a person. Sorry to say. But how can you be with someone you feel this way about?

He has been buying groceries for my house and ordered a pizza lol. But what happens when his unemployment runs out? Back to having $0.00 and doing NOTHING to change that? I don’t know what to do 😢