2nd kid pt 2

Definitely way to early to be sharing the news (3 weeks) I just have so many feelings I’m just numb at the point. Found out 2 days ago think tomorrow is like the technical 4th week. My boyfriend just made a comment this morning that really stung for some reason. I told him it stung and he apologized. I was talking his ear off about sending our oldest to school next year, my mother in law said if we send him to the school by the house she’ll pick him up, but that school is horrible like F rating, I could send him to the other school but you know pick up and drop offs like what are the options. No bus for that school. And my boyfriend snapped like “why would you add another kid to this when we can’t even get one to and from school.” And like he’s 100% right but I mean even if I wasn’t pregnant we’d still be having this conversation now and in a year. I do feel some guilt for ruining my oldest son’s only kid life, I’m not sure how he’s going to adjust. If you go back and read my first part to this, he’s mainly the reason I am doing. I don’t want him to be alone later in life but I mean it’s gonna be a big adjustment for him and that worries me. Also when we discussed having a baby my boyfriend was working 2nd shift 40 hour a week job. My mom was also frequently taking my son. Now that the day is here my boyfriend has recently taken a 3rd shift 60 hour a week job and we are no contact with my mom currently. So now iv lost a good chunk of my support. I’m really trying to stay positive here in thinking iv made the best decision for our family 5 years down the road. Just hard not to have doubts. Everything just kinda happened at once. I mean guess that’s how life goes. Not really asking for anyone to comment. Just need to get some thoughts out of my head sometimes. Also with my boyfriend being gone a lot more now and sleeping when he’s home we’ve literally had 1 conversations since finding out the news and that was this morning about school. And no contact with my mom. Literally my only other person to talk to is my son and we can’t tell him just yet. He can’t keep a secret to save his life half the town would know by tomorrow. So kinda just be myself here.