how do i move on ?

Me and my bf were dating for almost a year literally broke up a day before our one year. It was my fault i relapsed and did it behind his back caused a huge argument his dad got involved and threatened to call the cops on me so i lost it plus the mix of drugs was a bad mix in general i was out of it that night. After that i tried seeing him showed up to his house at 3 am to wait for him to go out bc he goes to work at 4 am but he didn’t even wanna talk ask questions nothing. He couldn’t even look at me. I know i fucked up and it’s not his responsibility to fix me or help me but it hurts me because i was there for him at his lowest moment and wouldn’t a relapse be a cry for help for most. it’s when i need him the most. I said some fucked up shit too regarding something that happened with his friend but what i said was true he’s just still reallly hurt about it and blocked me on everything we’ve been no contact for almost 2 months now and i still try reaching out but he doesn’t reply. I know i seem crazy but i really thought we could’ve gotten thru anything tg we’ve been through so much worse. His love wasn’t unconditional because if it was the other way around I’d help him get back up not just abandon him. I was his first everything he was my first everything but he really seems to hate me because not once has he replied to me and i just miss him so much. (sorry for bad punctuation i’m just ranting and need to some sense knocked into me )