Can you have a successful relationship without open phone access?

Question

In my relationship my partner doesn't believe in open phones. I understand wanting your privacy but he takes it too seriously. Now this isn't a new thing, he's been like this since we first met, and I'm not asking bc I want to search through his phone, this isn't a me not trusting him thing, I just figured he'd loosen up about it by now (we've been together for almost 4 years). He absolutely won't let me touch his phone, if he wants me to watch a video he has to hold it, if he shows me a picture I can't touch the screen to adjust the size of the picture, he said he'd never ask me to read a text or pick up a call for him, he won't let me put it on charge for him. I'm under no circumstances allowed to touch. This also goes both ways. He won't touch my phone in any way either even though he has permission to. He said he wouldn't pick up a call for me bc if it's important they can leave a message or I can call them back, etc.. it all just seems like too much to me.

Answer

I mean, I dont think you have to necessarily have open phone access if you dont want to and still be happy, but the level of protectiveness he has over his phone would have me very suspicious… 
Me and my partner know each others passwords but dont check each others phones as we trust each other. We’ll sometimes use the other persons to order food or take a photo or something if the other ones phone is in a different room or whatever, we have nothing to hide so think nothing of it. I’d never feel the need to look through his messages or anything, but I easily could if I wanted to as he doesnt care if I pick up his phone and visa versa. I’d feel strange if he wouldnt even let me touch it, like whats he hiding? Maybe nothing, but why be so weird about it?

Answer

I would find that paranoid and weird. We dont go through each other's phones, we dont even share location, but to not even be allowed to touch it for practical purposes with him right there is weird. Like I trust you with my home and money and kids and body....but never ever put a finger on my phone? That would bug me.

Answer

Maybe Im paranoid but if he won’t even let his partner of 4 years plug his phone in or hold it to watch a video… I would be scared that he’s hiding something REALLY bad on there. Like worse than cheating. Him taking it that seriously would really lead me to believe he is potentially doing something that could get him in huge trouble on there and he won’t risk anyone finding it. I understand privacy, but if you have nothing to hide why would you be so intense about it. I would be scared if I were you.

Answer

Hes a bit over the top with no touching or even putting it to charge. Seems paranoid and would make anyone suspicious that theyre hiding something. My SO and i know eachothers passwords, answer phone calls sometimes, answer texts if the other is driving, its pretty normal. We dont go through eachothers phones but we have acess to it.

Answer

What does he have on there, the nuclear launch codes? Bro’s gotta relax. Im not a snooper but sometimes i just grab my husbands phone to look up something because its closer or mine’s charging. It is no big deal

Answer

This is over the top for sure. You can’t hold his phone or touch the screen when he’s showing you something on it? You can’t plug it in? …. He’s 100000% hiding something. I have never gone through my husband’s phone, he has never gone through mine.. but we both know each other’s passcodes & have from the very start. I’ll use his phone for gps sometimes or he will tell me to text someone while he’s driving, he will use my phone to google something sometimes when he can’t find his.. etc. I have no reason to search through his phone, I trust him completely, but I would be very skeptical if he was acting that shady about his phone. There is no way there is good reason for it

Answer

This is more of a you problem. Break up if it bothers you.

Answer

I feel like that’s too protective? Can’t even plug up his phone.
My fiancé and I have each other passwords but we don’t go through each other phones. He’ll watch Tik Tok or scroll through my fb feed whenever his phone is dead at the doctor appointments. I get on his phone to change the song to something else. Pretty much it.
So that’s odd

Answer

I don’t believe in open phones and I have been with my 3 partners for 14 years and I live with 2 of them. Everyone is entitled to privacy. My phone is my personal property and no one has an entitlement to it. I am not entitled to my partners’ phones either. Privacy is important and so are certain conversations (work, friends, another partner-in my situation).My partners and I have a high level of trust and respect in our dynamic. 
 You aren’t entitled to your partner’s phone. You can have an amazing relationship without open phone access. Trust and honesty are crucial to relationships.

Answer

I don’t understand why you would need open phones for a healthy relationship. I’d actually argue that needing to go through your partners phone to feel secure means it’s an unhealthy relationship. It sounds like he was clear about this from the beginning. If that’s a deal breaker for you, then you shouldn’t have stayed with him this long.

Can you have a successful relationship without open phone access?

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