No feelings of intimacy with irritating husband

My husband needs to be told everything not ten hundred but one million times. He and I both work and contribute equally to household, but he tries all kinds of manipulative ways to make me own everything at home. He does a lousy job at doing any of his household chores most of which are easy and less intensive than mine. I tell him hundred times to NEVER leave his dishes dry after he eats food, but he deliberately does that to get to me. There was a time I made him come back from his room and pour water in the dishes he left to dry - he got so mad and he continued to do it. There are many other examples which may not sound like a big deal, BUT this keeps happening again and again. I told him clearly how I feel when he does that and he just brushes off saying I am assuming all that. He continues NOT to do whatever I specifically tell him to, there were times where I did not react and i noticed that him wondering whether I noticed what he did not do or not. Now my question is, when you have a spouse like mine who always always gets on your nerves by taking you for a ride inspite of knowing for the fact that I am working my a$$ off working and managing home...how in the world would I have intimate feelings for this jerk?? He keeps complaining that I am not intimate with him like before which is true because I absolutely hate that a$$ for all the manipulation he does at him. No matter what I tell him how I feel he gaslights me into saying I assume everything