A friend of 20 years let go
I recently broke up my childhood friendship because of my friend's racist views.
We were friends since childhood, but looking back I think our friendship was always toxic. She suffered from anxiety and depression as a child because her father was abusive, and she was bullied at school. I always stood up to her bullies and was by her side when she went through very bad episodes of depression (at some point she couldn't walk her dog so I was coming to her place every day to take her dog out). We were almost inseparable.
But I always felt like she was bi-polar or borderline, because every now and then she would say or do very hurtful things to me without any provocation. She would say they are jokes, but I made it clear it was hurtful. Sometimes she would try to control it, but other times she wouldn't. She thought I was jealous of her looks, friendships, etc. She even said her psychologist said it to her, and used that whenever it suited her. I think I made excuses for her bad behaviour because I knew of the abuse she experienced at home. Later in life, she herself admitted to me that she was horrible to me.
As we got older and I moved abroad, we grew apart but I would still see her whenever I travelled home for holidays. I met my partner 10 years ago, and we got married last year. I come from a Christian background, and he's Muslim.
Anytime I come home, she makes comments about his religion. At first, I tried to be patient with her, as she's not the most educated person and isn't exposed to life outside of her small village. So I told her to educate herself etc. But this time, when we spoke about the wedding, she followed up the conversation with: 'Aren't you scared to be with a Muslim man?' I asked her if she would ask that same question if he was a Christian - considering that we both personally know Christian men who were abusive to our friends. She looked shocked and said 'its not the same'.
I went home and got to the conclusion that I can't have a friend whose outlooks are inconsistent with my values. I can't have this negativity. So I messaged her to say how I feel, and that she didn't behave like a friend when she said those things. She dismissed my feelings and said she won't let others treat her like shit. I just blocked her, because she sounded completely unbothered.
Do you think I did the right thing by cutting her off? I guess I know in my heart that it had to be done, but it's still sad to lose someone I shared my childhood memories with. I worry about her mental state, but she doesn't seem to be bothered about my feelings, and that's not a real friendship.
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