Husband emotionally cheated … we have been good for a while now but…

I have an appt for Tuesday with therapist but I am so confused and hurting and just need to know if I am blowing this up and I'm in the wrong for this....?

Well my husband and I have been doing well. Thank God but last week I had a session on zoom and he overheard I had a trigger because a photo came up on my phone of him and her when I was pregnant with my first son and it was at my baby shower and she was holding my stomach and so was he and his hand was on top of hers touching it and I told my therapist. Husband got upset that it triggered me and he overheard me telling my therapist. He normal has his headphone on and is upstairs for my sessions but he said he accidentally bee heard and didn’t get his headphones on upstairs in time fast enough.

Well jump to today, I was on his phone because mine was not close to me and we were talking about something so I went to google the topic and as I was typing the history bar popped up and he searched on google my sister's name....

I asked why and he said at first he didn't remember

Then he said because he was upset that i was triggered and what I was telling my therapist. He said it's for nothing he searched her for "idk nothing". I said if it was nothing you would have not searched her name. I asked why take that step to search her on google. Then he said "well I don't have social media anymore!" I said, and???!" He went in to say it’s the internet I didn’t click into anything once I searched and only your cousins came up.

I asked him okay so why do it? He said I already told you, because I was upset about you getting triggered. I said okay so what did you search her for what were you trying to see or what were you doing? It’s one thing to be upset and another to take the step to pick up your phone and search her.

He and I didn’t talk the whole day yesterday. We have an almost 2 year old and almost 6 month old. he said I am blowing this out of proportion and it’s not a big deal and he did nothing wrong.

Meanwhile we had been doing so well the past few months and we had a good night the night before and we've been doing so well and he acknowledged that the other night that it’s gotten so much better because I don’t bring the situation or triggers up to him etc. And he also acknowledged he had no idea I had that trigger that I spoke to my therapist about and I said because I am keeping it to myself and not showing that I'm triggered to you because it always affects you badly and turns into a bad thing.

I have been not bringing up any trigger or feelings to him, for him because he can't handle it and we've been good but he is making me feel like I'm crazy for being "so upset" and I am "blowing it out of proportion" that he searched her.....

He won't answer why he felt the need to pick up his phone and search her he just said because I was upset of what I heard you telling therapist about your trigger and when I ask okay fine but what were you trying to see or do with searching for her. He won't answer. “Idk I don't remember etc.” “who cares it’s the internet I don’t have social media” after telling me thank you for not bringing her up now he switched to “you bring her up all the time so of course I searched her” basically then he said I guess to see what maybe she had posted recently if anything To see if she was happy with her bf etc because it’s effed up she had been this way with me and could probably be happy and fine with her bf meanwhile husband and I have had a long hard journey to getting where we are after this whole mess.

He says he searched her for nothing but if it was nothing there would have been no reason to search her.

He was getting mad saying therapy is a waste of money for you this is ridiculous it’s never going to end idk how this is going to work. He was saying is this ever going to end it’s been a year and even though I am good with him I’m not really good because I still need therapy to deal with the fact my sister had been terrible with me since he came into my life then did this to me with him not once but twice knowing I found out first time. And later after awhile he also told me to shut the eff up about it. We haven’t had a night like this is almost a year where he acts this way…. Then after he said those things he said he is a piece of shit and doesn’t know how he now is a husband who cursed at his wife.

Long story short last night if me pleading for him to help me understand his reasoning for it, he said he did nothing wrong by searching her on google.