AITA???

Full disclosure: I’m in therapy, so if the answer is yes I would be more than happy to work on this.

So I work in a daycare setting and unfortunately I’ve been struggling with a child who has had some “struggles” with his behavior(he’s two, but to put some examples regarding the behavior: he’s spat in my face before, told my coworker and I, along with other children that he’s gonna un6l1ve them, peed on the floor earlier today..the list could go on. ). We’ve spoken to my bosses about the child’s behavior time and time again, but it wasn’t until this week when he told us that he’d un6l1ve us for the second time that something was actually gonna be done in terms of really getting through to the parents.

Getting to my point: yesterday, the kid tried to bite me. When anything involves a bite, we have to write an incident report regarding what happened and have the parent sign the form while picking up their child. When the mother came to pick up her child, I had her sign the form and didn’t speak much to her at all; as it feels like whatever I could say won’t get through to her. Before she’d left my classroom I said “Enjoy the rest of your day. See you tomorrow”. This is something I usually say, as it’s just a habit. Apparently when my back was turned, mom had given me a dirty look and rolled her eyes. This was told to me by my coworker.

Now I know I’ve mispoken in the past, and I’ve always been incredibly self conscious of this especially coming into my adult years. Yesterday I really felt like I had said/done something wrong, so I asked my family if I have ever come across as an asshole. One family member said it might’ve come across as sarcasm, but that doesn’t mean I’m an asshole. Another family member had mentioned I do come across as an asshole from time to time, as I tend to be defensive.

This really stuck with me. I can see how I may be defensive at times depending on the circumstances. For example, I’ve had moments in the past where I can’t admit that I’m wrong, or I may have a bit of a hard time seeing another persons point of view, or even understanding when somethings a joke. I can see how being defensive isn’t the best thing.

But there’s also other times where I don’t think I’m necessarily being defensive(is this me being defensive??? Haha). For example, circulating back to my job: as stressful as it may be, I do love my job and I care for these kids. When someone speaks of them in an ill manner(example: some of the kids I work with are on the spectrum..and some people ik haven’t used the best words in regards to them. They’ve also ridiculed the children for silly things like not knowing their alphabet. Most of the kids I work with are 2 1/2-3) I get upset at that. I don’t understand why anyone would talk about another person in a horrible way.

It’s slippery slope for me, because standing up for myself has always been something I struggled with. I want to know and understand when I’m standing up for myself versus when I’m being defensive. I will keep talking about these feelings in therapy, but I also wanted to reach out on here to get another point of view. If I am the asshole, I want to change this.