My husband & I have been married for 2 years. We met in senior year of HS. 2 years into our relationship, we broke up and a month later I was dating someone new. I did the whole “got under someone to get over someone” and it didn’t work. I reached back out to my ex and we talked and got back together. I told him about me having sex with that guy which he wasn’t too happy about but said if it was over (which of course it was). Well in HS I was known for being a flirt but after we got back together, I stayed committed and loyal.

Moving a few years forward, I had a minor surgery done and was at home resting. My man was making me food and I opened his phone to search something and found a bunch of porn. Now it’s okay for us to watch porn but he knows cam girls or paying for anything is crossing the line. Well turned out he was paying for nudes of women who had some resemblance to my friends. I brought it up to him and he was very apologetic and kept saying he’d do anything to gain back my trust. I was disgusted by his actions but because he didn’t physically or emotionally cheat on me, I forgave him. But I made him sleep on the couch for a week and didn’t go back to sex until I was ready.

Now move forward 2 more years and we’re now engaged. I was getting ready to marry this man and I wanted to be sure he wasn’t making me look like a fool so I snooped through his phone (hadn’t done it in a year). And well…I found he paid for only fans and an app to engage in sex photos (that you pay for so ig porn stars?). I was livid. I told him I needed time to think things through and see if I even wanted to marry him. I told him he’d have to start to make it up to me and even then idk if I’d say yes and that’s just what he’d have to deal with. I actually saw him trying to be more intimate with me, he wasn’t on his phone as much, he occupied his free time with video games, and he asked for more sexual videos to use for masturbation.

Right before the wedding I went through his phone while he sleeping to see if he’s been actually following through with his words and he was. He deleted all apps, unfollowed certain pages that urged him to look at porn stars, and no hidden photos or videos. I was feeling better and so I went through with the marriage.

Now we’re a year in and we’re talking about second jobs. My husband wants me to quit my job and he’d pick up another job so that we’re still having another income coming in. Well the thing I’m worried about his second job is that he wants to work in a restaurant. The last restaurant job he had, we ran into problems. He was always working late so I didn’t get to see him much. And working weekends which is our date night days (I work weekend mornings). He also was adding coworkers which is fine but his coworkers were girls who were okay with showing their nipples on social media, posting “artistic” sexual pictures, in lingerie for girls night out, etc. It also didn’t help that he worked near a bunch of bars which coworkers always wanted to hangout afterwards. Hanging out with coworkers to get drinks is fine. 2 male coworkers hanging out with 7 females who are showing off their thongs and bras while they dance on the pole on stage is NOT okay.

I brought up all these concerns and he was so upset that I brought his past up (the most recent was less than a year ago). I wasn’t bringing it up to throw it in his face? I brought it up because it’s actual concern I have. A man who says he won’t do it again and does it again, how can you so easily trust them not to do it again? So instead of going through his phone or playing mind games with him, I simply brought up my concern. But apparently he took it offense. How come I’m always bringing it up, why can’t I let it go, I need to just trust him, and what does he think I’m trying to do??? I’m trying to believe him and trust him but if I need to communicate things off my chest to my husband, I expect him to listen and communicate back. If he spent money on sex videos and pictures (when we were needing money for our wedding) less than a year ago, how can I just believe him? I’m voicing my concerns and he doesn’t seem to care about my feelings just his own.

Instead of communicating back with me, he said: “You know what fuck you for bringing it up again because unlike you, at least I didn’t fuck another guy”. True but at least I fucked the guy while we weren’t together.

Honestly hearing it all back now. I wish I could’ve called it quits.