How do you find contentment, or at least acceptance when you’re in a situation that is challenging?

Several years ago, we had to make the quick decision of moving into a tiny, rundown, inefficient house. I did not enjoy it at all. We lived there for close to 5 years before FINALLY having the opportunity to move out. We ended up moving to a beautiful, brand new place. Everything worked, there was space for everything and everybody. I loved it. But after about 2 years or so, it became a lot financially, and another opportunity presented itself: move into a family members house for a cheaper rent, and virtually no rules or restrictions. It was NOT my idea of a super great place, but I had to accept that the pros outweighed the cons at the time, and so I conceded to move.

Well, here we are now, the move itself ended up being very rushed, and things were extremely stressful. I realized very quickly that this house needs a lot more work than first realized, and I am not happy here. I’ve tried to rationalize and compromise internally, and I’ve been TRYING to find SOME sort of acceptance or ability to just tolerate our life for the moment, but it’s just been so so so hard. This house needs a lot of work, almost nothing is functional. The area is significantly rundown, we have little privacy outside. It’s just… there are many things that bug me about this place, and I’m so internally frustrated. I understand that this is our situation for the moment, and that it *may* change, but it just feels like the first house all over again, and I am not handling it well. And the stark reality is that truly, it looks like we’ll be here for a LEAST 3 years, minimum. I’d be shocked if it were any less, and that just feels like an absolute lifetime away at this point. I spend A LOT of time at home with young kids, and my space has always been very important to me, and I just cannot seem to find a way to enjoy this place. I have family coming from out of state this summer to visit, and I can’t help but look around and feel ashamed of where we live now, it feels like a massive downgrade, and I feel horrible for feeling this way. I do know that other people have much less, but somehow it feels like nearly all my life I’ve been stuck living in rundown houses or various places, and it’s just miserable. I’ve been trying to escape that feeling of poverty for forever. I haven’t wanted to have friends or company over since we moved, and that depresses me further.

It’s not an option to move anytime soon, and it’s not an option to ask the landlord to fix things, it was a bit of an unspoken family deal, move in, have a cheaper rent, and deal with the house as it is. We’ve been slowly painting, and working on making actual closets for the rooms and things, but that’s also been extremely slow going because my husband doesn’t have a lot of time & mental energy between jobs at work, and we also really don’t have cash flow right now.

So other than buying things, or fixing the place, how can I find some level of acceptance, or at least not be ashamed of where I live now? (My husband knows I’m not happy with where we live, but I’m not the type of person to complain outwardly and add to his stress. He knows this isn’t ideal, but there’s only so much he can do himself at the moment also.)

I’m not looking to live in something super fancy or sprawling or expensive, a basic, modest, clean and safe-feeling house would satisfy me just fine. Has anyone else been in a similar position? 😔

Does anyone know?

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