Am I wrong to have hurt feelings?

Question

I am 21 weeks with my first. I am I big woman. I’m about 325lbs and stand 5’7”. I’ve lost some weight with this pregnancy. I have an awful relationship with food though. I’m addicted to food. It’s something I really need to fix about myself.

However any time I say anything about food to my mom, she has a comment about it. I made spaghetti the other night because it was fast, I was tired from working all day, and I was hungry. She kept saying it was too much sodium and starch to have while pregnant. I told her my craving a while back was Mexican food, especially the sweet pork burrito from Taco Time. She said that was very unhealthy for me and again too much sodium. Today my grandma heard me ask my husband if on our way from visiting we could stop at the gas station for a drink and chocolate bar. She said “you don’t get to eat that” “you don’t need it”. My family has always been the worst when it comes to putting me down about my weight and health, but I feel like it’s gotten worse since I got pregnant. Maybe it’s just my pregnancy hormones and I should be grateful they are looking out for me and my baby.

Answer

They can worry about your health and still say it in a nicer way. Making people feel ashamed is never a helpful approach. They might be feeling a bit bolder on making comments now because too much salt can definitely cause you some issues in pregnancy, and your weight puts you at higher risk for some problems, but again, how they're approaching you isn't the way to handle it. Offering to make you some healthy meals to take home, offering to walk with you, asking how you're feeling or how baby is doing would be more helpful and supportive than just going "don't eat that." We generally tend to learn to do better when we're given more options of what we SHOULD do instead of what NOT to do. Positive reinforcement will always propel us forward better than shame. Even if their intentions are good, the comments are still hurtful. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Congratulations on your baby!

Answer

I think you are allowed to feel however you feel about it. I also think that they are allowed to feel concerned about you and the baby. It sounds like they are saying these things out of sincere concern for your health and your baby who has no voice. I don't think she's wrong for pointing out when things are unhealthy or have too much sodium, etc. It may hurt to hear that because she actually isn't wrong. On the other hand, telling you what you need or what you get to have is crossing boundaries. What you eat is your choice. Even if it's not the best choice. She doesn't get to make those choices for you. And as the baby's mother, you also make those choices for your child. ￼￼

Answer

They probably are genuinely just worried for you and your baby. Cus honestly that is a serious issue and can cause complications even when you’re not pregnant. But that does not give anyone the right to be rude, hurtful, or police YOUR body. You have every right to be upset. They need to learn boundaries and how to properly show concern and support.

Answer

I was a big girl too I was always getting smart remarks like that from family. I ended up getting gastric bypass and have been way healthier since. Maybe it’s something you should look into if your concerned? Any questions you can message but just know screw everyone that’s not coming to you in a respectful way.

Am I wrong to have hurt feelings?

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