Morning rant

I remember when my ex was mad at me and he through my backpack in the cannel n I was scared he was gonna push me in there so I locked myself in the car n told him to calm down

N he broke the window n started crying n saying I made him break the window n I (like an idiot) apologized and helped him with his hand n he calmed down .

Or the time someone I didn’t know messaged me on fb n he broke my phone .

He broke like 10 of my phones sadly..

When I was living with him he treated me so horrible and I still stayed I remember all the times I wanted to leave n he’d hit me so I wouldn’t because he’d cry n say he loved me which I know that wasn’t love .

I remember we were eating n we got into an argument about something n he threw my food to the wall n he told me it better not go to waste n I need to eat it n I was like whaaaaat tf I’m not eating it you eat it you threw it. N he was FURIOUS but I was not gonna eat it n he left

He cheated on me that night .-.

I remember I moved back home n he would jump through my window n tell me how sorry he was n I didn’t wanna be with him n I cried telling him I don’t love him the same .

He punched my walls , broke my phone broke my window, n told me I was going to be with him because if not it was gonna be worse so I stayed … I was 17 I was with him since 16-22

Now can you imagine that . Cause I can’t sometimes I get so angry knowing what he put me through and I was a coward to leave he did give me a beautiful son I wouldn’t trade that for anything I just don’t like the experience I went through.

I’m 24 now and I still can’t face to talk to him he’s “different” now than when I was with him. We do co parent by court

But if I have to talk to him for more than 5 minutes I get shaking n nervous cause the me when I dated him was so scared of him it’s sad honestly. I try to put the past in the past n leave it there but sometimes I have dreams or wake up thinking about it n I just cry .