I can't stand my mom...

My mom has become a true narcissist and it's getting to the point where I don't even want to talk to her. There's a really long back story and I won't get into all of it, but she has always been incredibly selfish and makes me feel guilty for not constantly treating her like the center of attention. But she won't confront me directly, she'll have my dad do that for her. For about 8 years I lived in Chicago and they lived in Pennsylvania. She used to have my dad tell me I wasn't calling her enough, or if I didn't buy her a birthday I was the worst daughter ever, even though I wouldn't physically be there to give her a gift so I started to have to mail her gifts for every birthday, holiday and milestone....in my 20s when I had no money. She has become this way with everyone and loses friends constantly, and of course blames the other person, its never her fault. Now she's even starting to do this with family members who have done nothing wrong to her but are just living their lives and not constantly doing everything around her schedule.

Another example is on my wedding day I got my bridesmaids champagne glasses with their names so we could cheers and take a cute picture. I didn't get one for my mom (because it was a bridesmaids thing!) and she got so mad, stormed off, told my dad, and my dad texts me to tell me that wasn't nice of me and how inconsiderate I was...an hour before my wedding ceremony. This has become the usual and I've gotten used to having to do things just to appease her but I'm constantly walking on eggshells.

Fast forward to now. I have an almost 3 year old son but lost a baby last year at 21 weeks. It's been a really rough year for me, and I'm now 28 weeks, but definitely struggling mentally just trying to get through it. She wanted to throw me a baby sprinkle and invited my mother in law and sisters in law. Timing didn't work out so my in laws were going to throw me a separate sprinkle for various reasons. That pissed my mom off so she texted my MIL to express her displeasure, but wasn't honest about why. She used me and said I didn't want to have anything big bla bla bla, and that it would be too much stress for me to have a second sprinkle. I never said any of that. She also tried to convince me it wouldn't be a good idea for me to have a second one. So she guilted my in laws into not throwing me anything, and she cancelled the sprinkle she was going to throw for me just to prove to everyone that it wasn't a good idea. I didn't care about having a sprinkle at all, but I hate that she treated my in laws this way, they are the nicest and most generous people.

When mothers day rolled around, I wasn't going to see my parents because they were coming out the following weekend. So I didn't get my mom anything, but I called her to talk and wish her a happy mother's day. I usually send her flowers, but it always costs like $100, and I'm broke this year and just wasn't going to do that. She also did not get me anything, or even acknowledge the fact that I'm a mom too. I didn't think any of this was a big deal until my dad called me recently to tell me if I was going to get him anything for Father's Day that I shouldn't because it would cause problems since I didn't get my mom anything for mother's day. I mean, she didn't get me anything either, and who cares!!! The fact that this was even a conversation just has me so angry. I'm pregnant, have a toddler, still grieving and dealing with so much stress and anxiety and all my mom can think about is the fact that I didn't get her a present for mother's day. Her selfness and complete lack of awareness makes me not ever want to be around her. And the fact that she's now causing issues with my inlaws, who have truly been there for me through everything makes me even more angry. I don't think I can just cut her off, and even though my dad enables her, my dad means well and it wouldn't be fair to him to cut them out, but my mom is a problem, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how I'm going to live this way for the rest of her life, it just keeps getting worse .

Thank you for reading this! Sorry it was so long 😆