how do you know when a relationship is over?

and please don’t say “when you have to ask this”

my husband and I have had a rough couple of years, pretty much since our first was born. first, I found out he was talking to a lady on facebook, she ended up contacting me through a mutual friend because he blocked her on my phone, the conversation lasted about 3-4 days I think. he lied about it until she sent some screenshots. yall will probably say I should’ve left then, maybe I should’ve, but he was the provider at the time, I was young and didn’t have much money saved and I had bad PPD and PPA and couldn’t deal with the thought of having to go back to work so soon if I were to leave him, so I made the choice to stay, which meant that I accepted what he did and move past it.

then, he was a porn addiction, like major. he was waking up around 3-4am to watch porn and now i believe he does it at work (he makes his own schedule, he’s in his truck a lot during the day, this isn’t as if he’s missing out on work but still), it’s all over his social media, literally every single one. we’ve talked about it multiple times, nothing ever changes, it’s always that “he’ll work on it” or because he likes the hormone it gives off because of his ADHD ( I know, it’s crazy) but it never stops. it even went as far that when he joined the gym his searches were things like “gym girls” you may have remembered my posts from a couple months ago. *and before people come for me, I didn’t used to care about porn but it became so bad that we would go months without sex and he’s severely addicted*

and another controversial topic, I did go through his phone (I know, I know! I can’t imagine getting divorced over porn and i felt that he may have been talking to someone) and his searches and profile visits are ALL girls, like hundreds of them!! a !deleted! flirty text to his co worker, tons of porn pages etc. it’s disgusting! I even had brought up a certain female semi famous influencer and guess what was in his reddit history!? that girls name followed by NSFW (not safe for work, it’s porn) like I can’t even feel comfortable talking about another female without him automatically trying to picture her naked! I’m assuming he does this with everyone as it wasn’t the first time.

and now, it just seems like we live in a routine, we barely talk when he comes home from work, barely talk through the day even. he works until 5-7pm ish. sometimes later. on weekends, it’s either him doing his hobby or he’ll find something to do. he never included me and our two kids. i’m a SAHM currently

I just feel SO emotionally disconnected with him and not sure what to do, what brought back the life in your relationship?? I don’t want to get divorced and I cannot leave my youngest for some health reasons on his part. so I have no choice to work. I love him, but I don’t think either of us are in love.

my DREAM is to be able to home school my kids, work in the home, grow my own food and be as self sufficient from the land as I can, but that’s not feasible when working full time with two kids alone.