Would I be wrong to exclude my side of the family from our son’s life?

My husband and I have been sitting on this thought for a while now. No family is perfect and family drama is common but from a previous post I made a year ago of the different issues going on; I had received feedback that my family is toxic. It had become toxic to the point that attending any functions gives me anxiety, any mention of the past brings me anger, then lastly any talks of the future with these people bring me doubt and trust issues. My husband had been supportive throughout and had tried seeing the good side of things, he also tried his best to fit in and it was unsuccessful.

Background: I was born from an affair that my biological father had with mom, since he was married with other children he left us behind to avoid conflict. So my mom was single for a few years until my stepfather took on that father role, my mom couldn’t raise me alone especially I had hearing loss so my maternal grandparents assisted. My mom is the youngest of the 6 sisters, the other sisters were SAHM and working husbands so they didn’t need help like my mom did. So with that, I became the favorite grandchild out of the 22, it grew tension. I won’t lie my grandparents spoiled me a lot but who else would had done it and made me feel loved? But the tension had led to my aunts scolding whenever they had a chance, cousins excluding me or fighting me, and let out of family getaways. As an adult, I made better life decisions and any failure or loss of mine it gave a chance the family could speak on. Seriously have cousins that had done illegal things like stealing and drugs and they seriously get so much praise and support. I went to nursing school and got myself a career and stayed out of trouble, but of course the one time I had been caught going to the club at 18 years old at 18+ club my aunts and my mom agreed that “I should be doing better in life”. Big example, I moved in my boyfriend under 1 year, who is now husband and father of my child, I was judged tremendously and no one would talk to him until I was pregnant. Yet, a cousin of mine close to my age, did the same thing moved out with a boyfriend under 6 months, got pregnant, they’re no longer together, she lives off his support, and he’s verbally abusive to her but yet he’s always welcomed to the family. Why? Because he’s rich.

If you’re curious about what happened since either my biological father, my paternal grandparents had discovered me on ancestry and confronted him. He still won’t acknowledge it and his family still does not know.

Anyways, I have a lot of trust issues and insecurities with my family that I stopped talking to a lot of them and stopped attending to functions. The last couple of years since we had our son, a lot of truth surfaced. I noticed my mom is very manipulative and a liar, sometimes when she tells the truth but then she will exaggerate. My stepfather on the other hand does one or two things; he will stay out of it or he will side with my mom and try to be a scary gorilla with his physique and petty words. Also, I’ve noticed they have their whole issues too which is not my issue I cannot fix their marriage. My mom feels lonely and my stepdad spends their money and my mom ignores it but it leaves them broke. They would fight so much as a kid and I would beg them to stop but now my stepdad looks miserable and just tries to be elsewhere by going out with my little brother instead being with my mom.

An incident happened this weekend: I only speak to one group in the family (aunt uncle and girl cousin) and we made plans to go seem them 3 hours away and party pretty much. My husband and I with our son went up early Friday, my mom wasn’t happy about it because she wanted all of us to go up in one car late at night and I said no that’s not what we want to do. We seriously had a great time without my parents and my brother then they showed up late at night when we’re ready to pass out. The next day we are recovering and just chilling, my mom the entire time just kept fussing about going home, we had our own car and we’re not ready to leave, I told her then go home if you are over it. Then closer to nighttime she tells husband and I that my aunt wants to call it a night and that my aunt wants us to go home. My husband got pissed and doubted that our aunt said that, I go to talk my cousin privately because she heard it too and confirmed that they don’t want us to leave. Then I confront my mom and she DENIED IT! And I told her fine whatever then you guys go home then she throws this fit and starts gaslighting me and brought my aunt into it and my aunt was like no I didn’t say that we were ready to party!

My mom and I are yelling at each other and my aunt tried to be the middle person, the my mom goes “I’m sorry, I won’t say anything anymore to you guys. But you had ruined As (my husband) and I’s relationship.” I lost it and we packed up our stuff and left. We didn’t leave fast enough because my stepdad acted like a prick and said I won’t move my car until you guys tell me what’s going on, I like being an asshole he said. BTW his car is my car it’s in my name. So finally I made my mom move the car. My son was so upset and screaming on the way home. AND THEN… just to find out they left shortly after us. All for what???? Then my stepdad sent threatening messages to my husband “Coward. Wait until I see you next time.” They tried calling us Sunday trying to apologize.

In conclusion; I am mentally and emotionally exhausted from all of it. I’ve been angry and losing sleep from nightmares. Here I am writing a book on a community post but I don’t know where else to go because I feel bad bothering anyone else about my external family issues. My son loves his grandparents, at first my hubby and I were debating about talking to them one last time about boundaries but I feel so tired of telling my mom to stop with her nonsense. Would I be an awful person if I excluded them out of our lives? Would our son resent me for it?