regret. need to vent.

i never talk about this but i just want some input i guess.. how the hell can i regret a decision so much that was the right thing to do?? i had an abortion at 18, i have a long list of mental disorders since 12 its depressing.. my mom was already having a baby and other than her and bf i had NO support system. my now fiance’s family hated him for me being pregnant. so many things. so many people that told me to do it. and now i just sit and cry wondering if i couldve made it work..(truly i dont think i couldve) wishing i kept an ultrasound picture and the tests. i rushed thru the entire process and i didnt think. i just did. i cant look at myself anymore and i get this pain in my chest and my throat starts to close. i just wanna be with my baby and tell them im sorry.. i was so so so stupid at the time. i wish i at least didnt smoke or drink a lot while you were here. but i wasnt thinking.

anyway whoever reads this thanks. say whatever you want, cant hurt me more than what ive already done 🫠

edit: i was on frkin birth control btw, took it almost st the same time daily and i still conceived. which makes me feel worse sum how haha