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Question

I’ve been masturbating for a few years but I’m completely convinced I’ve never orgasmed. Everything I see it makes girls make noise and lasts more than a few seconds, and it’s not like that for me. I don’t really even know how to besides what I’ve seen. Or maybe I have been and I’m just disappointed?

Answer

During sexual stimulation, stress and tension builds up in your muscles and brain and energy is absorbed in your body. If this continues, your brain will ultimately shut down in a trance like state for a second or two, allowing your body and brain to release that energy, tension, and stress in waves of pleasure, contractions, maybe also heat and shaking. During your orgasm, various hormones and chemicals are also released in your body. These act as natural antidepressants, pain killers and feel-good hormones.

An orgasm starts from your sex organs (usually it starts from your clitoris or deeper inside from your uterus) and radiating outwards. As your orgasm starts, your clitoris may feel like a sparkler, or you may feel sudden pleasurable heat from your uterus and/or clitoris. 

You can usually feel the orgasmic contractions by resting a finger on your anus.

After an orgasm you may feel relaxed or sleepy, happy, satisfied, content, or even glowing.

An orgasm for a woman typically lasts from 10 to 30 seconds, and for a man it lasts between 3 and 10 seconds. It is not an issue if your orgasm lasts for less or more time. There are various reasons why this can be.
Your experience of your orgasm can change with your menstrual cycle phases, as you get older, with different medicines and drugs, and even depending on the partner you are with or the toy you are using.

If you have not done so yet, wash your hands, close your door, switch on the lights, get comfortable in front of a mirror, relax, and look at your genitals. It may be a shock if you have not done so before, It will likely look different than the fantasy version you see in porn, in color, in what sticks out or are hidden, and how large or small things are.

Spread your lips, pull back your clitoris hood and look at what you look like. There is nothing to be ashamed of or feel embarrassed about.

Google “female external genitalia drawing” and see if you can identify the same parts in your own body - The outer lips (labia majora), the inner lips (labia minora), the clitoris hood, the clitoris, your pee hole (urethral opening) and your vaginal opening. The area between your inner lips may be smooth, or it may be very uneven and bumpy. It is often not as smooth and even as you see on drawings.

You can also stick a finger inside your vagina. You may be able to feel your cervix right at the top. It feels like the tip of your nose with a small dimple in it where the little hole is that leads to your uterus. Close to your period, your cervix may be lower and stiff like the tip of your nose. Closer to ovulation, it may be higher and softer, like your lips.

There are a few things that can affect your ability to orgasm, just to name a few:

1. Growing up in a strict religious or conservative culture often means that everything sexual around you were repressed and covered in shame and guilt. Accepting that you are a sexual being that can enjoy sex for pleasure and intimacy, rather than just for making babies is necessary. Learning to orgasm and enjoy it is often the first step to get rid of the repression, shame and stigma of considering yourself as a sexual woman.

2. Your body image and acceptance - If you criticize your own body, you should stop that. It is the body you have, and despite what you think about it, your partner wants to be with you. Nobody’s body is perfect. We all have some parts we want to change, especially when it comes to skin, weight, breasts and vulva. But we are almost always way more critical of our own bodies than any of our partners will ever be. So, it is important to put all those thoughts out of your head. Your partner is with you because he/she wants to be with you, not because you have a perfect body, but because they love you and your unique body. Your body is not who you are. You are much more than a pair of breasts and a vagina. Aways remember that.

3. Misinformation and the lack of proper sex education plays a great role in women’s inability to orgasm. If you do not understand the different roles of your vagina and clitoris play, or how to get to an orgasm using them, you will find it difficult to orgasm.

4. Medicines and drugs may affect your ability to orgasm, or the amount of time it takes you to orgasm. This is especially true about medicines and drugs that alters your brain chemistry/mood (ADHD, antidepressants, anxiety), or hormone balance (birth control and fertility drugs).

You have two organs “down there”. One for reproduction and one for pleasure. Since they are so close together, they get confused, and besides, sex-ed sucks big time.

Your vagina is for reproduction. It is your birth canal, and a safe place for your partner to ejaculate his sperm to get you pregnant. It is also an outlet for your menstrual flow. To protect you from trauma caused by pain, your vagina is largely without nerve endings, leaving it mostly with very little feeling. If it was very sensitive inside, childbirth, menstruation, inserting tampons, infections and sex would be intolerable. Unfortunately, sex with a male partner is mostly concentrated around your vagina with his penis pumping in and out of it.

Your clitoris is actually your primary pleasure organ. It is the equivalent of the male penis, except that you do not ejaculate, and you do not pee through it. It is a massive organ, going almost 15 cm inside your body. It forms 2 wishbone structures, the 2 fat bulbs that are going under your lips towards your vaginal entrance, and two thin long legs that goes deeper in your body. Just that little tip that you can see and feel (the glans) has more than 8,000 nerve endings, making it the most sensitive organ anywhere on a human body. In other words, it is made for stimulation, leading to pleasure and orgasms. Unlike a male partner’s penis, you do not pee through your clitoris, you do not ejaculate through your clitoris, and your clitoris does not have any glands. Your clitoris has only one job - pleasure leading to orgasms.

During normal sex with a male partner, most women do not get enough stimulation to their clitoris to orgasm. Only about 20% to 30% can orgasm from just intercourse. Research has shown that it is because their clitoris is close enough to their vaginal opening so that the thrusting of the penis also stimulates their clitoris. The rest of us need extra clitoral stimulation to orgasm during sex. There are a number of ways to achieve this. It may feel unnatural in the beginning, but it will become second nature pretty quickly and it holds the keys to a great sex life.
Some interesting research also showed that the following can help you orgasm with your partner:
•	Keep your feet warm. Wear socks if you need to
•	Use a few positions. Couples that tried at least 3 positions during a session orgasmed more than those that did not.
•	You need to move and not just lay still. Women who move their hips during sex orgasms consistently more than those that do not.
•	Foreplay do not play any role in the woman’s orgasm from intercourse. Of course, it is still needed to make penetration pain-free and comfortable. The time spent with penis in vagina sex does determine the woman’s ability to orgasm. If it takes you 14 minutes to reach orgasm, and your partner only lasts 10 minutes, you are not going to orgasm.
•	You have to be mindful and present in the moment. Thinking about anything else is not helping. Being worried about how you look, or smell is not helpful. Thinking about something that happened or something coming up is not helpful. Being self-conscious is not helpful. Fantasizing during sex can help.
•	Fully trusting your partner and giving up control is important.  During sex it is easy for your partner to injure you, so trusting him is important. And if you are worried about losing control during your orgasm, you are not going to orgasm.
•	Using a safe birth control method is important. If you are worried about getting pregnant, you cannot enjoy sex the way it is supposed to be enjoyed. This is especially true if you use pull-out or had a pregnancy scare before

If you are wondering how to stimulate your clitoris, here are a few tips:

•	In the beginning your clitoris may be very sensitive. Start very gently and not directly on your clitoris. Make sure you are well lubricated. When you are dry, your clitoral hood will “stick” to your clitoris, rather than slide over it. You can use your own arousal fluid from inside your vagina, saliva, or a store-bought personal lubricant on your fingers.
•	You can rub next to your clitoris, over your clitoris, around your clitoris, on your clitoris. It can be slow or fast, hard or gentle, large motions or very small motions. You can use a fingertip, a finger, multiple fingers, the palm of your hand or an object/toy. You can rub, squeeze, press, grind, tap, pinch or vibrate your clitoris.
•	You may also find that the closer to orgasm you get, the faster and harder you go, and the more direct the stimulation needs to become.
•	It may take more than one session to figure it out. There is nothing wrong with taking your time. You are not “broken” and nothing is wrong. Stop and try again another day, do not get frustrated

Answer

Sometimes my orgasms are really quick and short and I’m quiet, other times I’m shaking, almost screaming in absolute ecstasy, sometimes I don’t orgasm but it still feels good to masturbate, or I cum several times in a session. Every single time is different and that’s ok. You’re not broken, nothing is wrong, it’s just the human body. Keep practicing and having fun and don’t make it about needing to achieve an orgasm. Take the pressure off, use a vibrator and just enjoy the sensations and see what happens

Answer

Also most of the time my orgasms are super short and quick. Only when I’m in the mood and continue going are they longer. But at that point I’ve orgasmed more than once and am just riding it out

Answer

Don’t worry about making noises cause some of that is fake. For a long time I found myself not moaning or making any noises when I orgasmed. More often than not I was holding my breathe when I orgasmed. Now sometimes I make noises and sometimes I don’t. And as far as knowing whether or not you orgasmed I would say it’s more of a full body uncontrollable feeling. I shake a lot and squirm. My favorite orgasms are when I feel it deep in my core/stomach. But honestly sometimes I cum and don’t feel it there. Also I think a good indicator is if your pussy is wet. But it’s different for everyone.

Answer

@GlowGPT please help me with this topic!

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