AITAH?

My husband has been doing spinal checks, the one they do once your baby is born to see if the have the right response and wiggle about, from what I saw off and on for the past almost 7 months. I didn't realize that's what he was doing and thought he was just tickling him at first and have told him to stop doing that many times since baby doesn't appear to like it at all and doesn't like his back touched and arches his back. My husband has admitted to not understanding physical touch, so I tell him physical cues to help him out. I couldn't understand why he kept ticking our son and told him about it tonight. He said that he was rubbing his back and I told him that's not how to rub a back. He said that's how he rubs backs and that it's neurologically good for him. I told him to come over and I'd show him how to run the babies back. He said no and that there's information from the Mayo clinic and other accredit places to back up what he's talking about and offered to look it up for me. He couldn't find it. He found other papers talking about why doctor's do it. Some from accredited sites and some not. Then the truth comes out. He told me he's been testing the babies neurological development every three days by running his fingers up and down his spin for a response. He says it's known to make them pee. I told him it's wrong to do something tha he knows makes the baby pee an annoy him, so why would he do that? He says that's my opinion and he's going to continue to check his development because he gets all his answers quickly this way.

I keep him not only up to date on the babies development every day, but we just went to the doctors together last weekend and baby met all of his developmental mile stones and the doctor was pleased. Baby had given absolutely no indications of having any issues at all.

I'm being accused of grilling him and that loosely based information isn't enough for me to believe him (he called it loosely based and not me). That, why do I have to cause a flight over this and why can't I just let him self soothe because he's worried. This just proves to him that I believe he's only my baby and not ours. That the information didn't say to do or not to do what he's doing. That he only does it twice and then stops. He says it's not hurting the baby.

The next information he's giving me is on why doctor's chose to do an experiment in children and this reflex to prove that some developmental disorders are connected when the response doesn't go away. It has nothing to do with it being healthy or helpful for children neurological development. It seems to me it's for my husbands need to soothe something that's bothering him and not about the baby. It's about my husband's need and not the babies needs, likes or dislikes. I'm standing up for the baby and feel like I'm being told that he's going to do whatever he wants to him because the baby is his too. We recently had an argument about how he feels I'm always telling him what to do and not do and how his hands are tied by me all the time. This isn't the first thing he's done that I've found odd.

There's other information he found that talked about how the baby should have less and less of this neurological response as it gets older and it should be integrated by around 9 months old and no longer do it.

My argument is over the fact that he wants to continue to do something obsessively to a baby when they've given clear indicators they don't want it done. He says it's not obsessive for every three days and that I'm basing babies health off of my own knowledge and eyes. I told him that I'm basing my knowledge off of the doctor (not loosely based) and the doctor says he making all his mile stones and doing great, so he doesn't need to do what he's doing to the baby. That is wrong to make a baby pee and do things that annoy him.

He says it's not hurting the baby and that he's going to continue until he's at least 9 months old. It's his baby too and we are just going to have to agree to disagree.

I feel very unhappy that he isn't respecting the babies boundaries. The baby can't say to stop doing things and I think what my husband is doing is wrong.

He told me, very angrily, that the next time hed write a *** **** report or dissertation for me and was defensive. He cussed at me quite a bit too. Told me that I was treating him like people at his work and how he had to prove himself with a tight argument that since I was doing that he's talk to me like he did them. When I called him out about how he was talking to me and that I was trying to

talk with him from one spouse to another he proceeded to say that I wasn't and that he wasn't turning a work problem into a home problem.

He's suffering from some serious anxiety since babies been born and I've suggested help, but he says no. I made my mistakes in this argument for sure, but I'm feeling confused because I feel like he was gaslighting me some during this argument and that he doesn't see it. This is not how my husband usually is at all. We've been married almost 12 years. This is highly unusual behavior and treatment. He seems to completely distrust me anymore.

So AITAH?